masques dropped.
i am bewitched.
i thought it was only tuesday that i dread going to school but the fact it is a daily thing.
was talking to our god knows where's his confidence, junwei.
Gee... Tiring week it had been.
Good news!
we havent lost the client based project or win it.
Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers in the world.
Tiring yet fulfiling enough for my soul.
New skin.
i bared myself totally.
no hidden meanings, no sarcasm.
chemistry reactions of bd, ascm and accumulated grievances.
i poured out all the unhappiness in me and directed them to the root cause.
people includes sze, peggy.... blah blah.
is especially hard to say those words to your dear friends but i wanted to do it to clear the air.
too much bottled up and i felt like crap.
pilates only helps to temporarily stop me from thinking but not forever.
Friday, May 26, 2006
damn! i need personal breathing space.
overdosed of grass jelly and yakult.
sometimes, only sometimes, i think i'm too vulnerable and extreme.
too accommodating.
too nice.
screw 'em all.
i have no time for myself and 24/7 carry the ever-so-heavy burden to run my life's 2.4km.
no wonder this time round, i run so slowly in this 2.4km.
nothing serious. just want to complain.
hate bd. hate bd discussions. hate taking responsibilities. hate having no life.
maybe being alone is satisfying to one's soul. (referring going out alone.)
GSS is coming. i need to spend some money to fill up that emptiness in me.
god, rain some money for me!!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
the pile of imaginery work literally stacked up to my nose that i could barely smell the awful fart my sis let out everyday to tell me she is back home. ( not as if i love smelling her fart)
xiao shi is going to florida in aug, i will miss that wackie.
get me mickey's gloves! club before u leave! intro cute ang mohs to me!
haha
iaf test was over. relieved.
doesn't matter i did well or not. i tried my best.
to wong yy, i thank you for not teaching us much of iaf and claims that you are the best iaf tutor in sp. if is not for you, i will not know i can study without a tutor and yet understand.
was doing some personal research about myself and i am pretty surprise by the results.
thanks bya, you know me more than i know myself.
i thank those who participated in my small research.
yr 3. tough year it is.
no k-ing, no town meetings, no chilling, no pubbing and no holiday.
give me back my life!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
a differ character from the guy who is roaring off confidence in the day.
humble and low self-esteem, both traits that the guy in the day lack.
i wondered if i am talking to another.
the familar air of arrogrance is somewhat missing. weird.
he is having some setbacks with his advances to his new found target.
he sounds serious this time round. but which time he doesn't?
"k, i turn gay liao."
just one or two setbacks and he retreats to his gayland.
i would have been homo long ago if i was that pessimistic.
playing hard to get interest guys and it triggers their hunting senses.
but we girls, do not wish to be a prey to be hunted.
maybe is just me.
beat from all the reading and playing my part of aunt agony, i should slip into slumberland soon.
tml a test, wong yy and olivia koh.
i hate tuesday.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Be it BD or personal affairs.
so real and i kinda like it.
call me psychotic.
the challenge triggers my adrenaline.
not only you have to produce good work, you also have to build good relationship among members.
your best partner can be your worst enemy thus you have to balance everything well.
quoted from edmund," we are in the apprentice!!!"
I think I fall for pilates. (inhale, exhale)
it allows me to concentrate on my breathing and my body.
confession 1: i neglected my body and it deserves all the attention.
swimming gives me control and the power to outwin myself.
it just pushes me to break all the boundaries i had for myself.
be it timing or my capabilities.
however, i am suffering from all the "relaxation" and the moving of grooming room.
muscles scream of overworking and too much laughing.
blame remy. young cannot be an excuse for his silliness.
crab!!!! you can leave it on the floor my bro! wahaha
new grooming room is done.
nice?! erm... i leave my comments to myself.
missed the old old grooming room and definitely the darkroom.
alot of happenings took place in that small moisty darkroom.
smoking, water fight, powder fight blah blah blah.
guys can be so interesting.
a tall guy hiding behind a short friend, hoping that he will not be seen.
you amused me. tremendously.
i didn't know i scare people that badly.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Yes! we got the deal, the client.
No rushing of phase one report or presentation. (let out breathe)
Hard works do get recognised.
Free from anyone, any games, any mind players.
Life is great.
I am free.
Met my girl, bird.
Happy, relieved and true.
The good old feel.
Thanks for the present... I love it!
KL anyone?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
they need time to decide according to them.
another battle to fight, this time requires us to write out concept and why we deserve this project.
i hate to answer the 2nd question.
i am not one who know how to self praise; just believe that I am not capable.
my point of view, i do not deserve it.
however, my group does.
i really thank god for them.
too much effort and time is put into this to even think of giving it up.
fail? i am so afraid we are going to lost this.
rival is as strong as we are.
stronger, in fact.
need to give our last shot for this.
woke up from the dream.
no sadness, no anger, just plain sourness.
i tried. i really did.
tired from the solo game. time to pick myself up and return to my nunery.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
A day that I dont celebrate. My tradition.
This year I offered my mum a full body checkup but since we are still in the midst of cold war, guess is long forgotten.
Plans of moving out when I am 21 are resurfacing.
More energy and braincells of mine are working out the correct formula to solve all possible questions.
feasible or not feasible?
I did it again. This time hit straight to my face.
No obligation, von said.
Solo ball game, an apt description.
I throw the ball, I hit and I pick. The cycle continues.
No rebouncing back. One sided.
Baking cake for mother's day.
Housework to destress.
A combi that will never find in me. Ever.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Spilled out my woes, my sorrows and my pains.
Not sure whether I have the right listeners, guess only time can tell.
Felt good but yet not too fantastic.
How did I managed to walk through this shit for so long?
A question I threw at myself today.
Thank god I have a fun BD group to make this fun for me.
Never did I expect me and edmund to click that well.
He calls me ah ka. (jie in hainanese.)
Aries men just have a way to open me up. Kpo they are.
A friend worth keeping.
Full and bloated.
Swimming went to waste.
Still, I had fun.
Head turned, image surfaced.
So familar yet so strange.
So afraid that the bond between us faded.
Was there a bond in the first place?
My wishful thinking.
Tired, I am.
Sad, maybe a little.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
New feel.
New union formed between me and jasmine.
New challenges ahead.
Thanks jasmine for contributing her photoshop skills and time for the new skin's pic.
I like it.
Was thinking of something more solemn for the skin but who cares?!
Things never go your way.
I name this skin masques.
Everyday we wear different masques to meet the reality.
Hiding our faces so the world cannot hurt us.
Will you ever strip off all the masques and face the world with your true self?
Skipped school today.
Not too bad, slept like a log.
Rejuvenated? Nope, not yet.
Have a war to fight tml. BD war.
I am not even sure whether it is worth the trouble.
But since I have a foot in, guess I have to fight my way through with my group and win this battle.
I make sure that if I have any discontentments, I will voice it out next time and not swallow it.
My 8 credits, like the rest, are at stake.
I wun take this lightly or let anyone ruin this.
Can't yr 3 be fun?
I hate BD.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Bored you people to tears with all the crap quiz. Who bothers to read what type of people I am?They only want the juicy gossips of my life or how run down I am or how fun my life is. Apparently, I am having my 3 mths overdue menses and is killing me emotionally, physically and mentally. I throw temper every now and then.Weather or menses, it doesn't matter.Please let me be and don't irritate the hell out of me. Alone. Seeking solitude.Just let me concentrate in my breathing.Inhale and exhale. My mind is running. Running at a speed that my soul can't catch up with.I am thinking too much, too fast and is getting way out of hand.My imagination just left me and went for Africa to look for the lions.Hate being a mental slave of anyone. without knowing, I am searching. Searching for a familar face in the mist of people.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Your Values Profile 
You don't really value loyalty.In your opinion, friendship should be earned.If you don't agree with someone, it doesn't matter how close you are.You'll let them (and everyone else know) exactly what you think.
Honesty:
You don't really value honesty.You do value getting your way, no matter what.And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem.A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!)
Generosity:
You don't really value generosity.Your needs always come first, no matter what.And you'll possibly help someone else out...But only if it helps you in return.
Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.You tend to be an easy going, humble person.But occasionally your ego takes over.You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance highly.Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.The Five Factor Values TestHow You Are In Love 
You give and take equally in relationships.
You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.How Are You In Love?You Have Low Self Esteem 28% of the Time 
How is Your Self Esteem?How You Life Your Life 
How Do You Live Your Life?
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Some Quirky Facts About Me (sassy's blog)
FOOD:*I need breakfast if not i can be quite grouchy( a hungry xian is a grouchy xian)
*I only eat tuna classic and cold cut trio in subway. Only lettuce, japlepeno and pickles in them.
* I do not drink coffee but love mocha ice blender
* When I'm extremely unhappy, I would instinctively look for happy food to make me happy.
* I love hot and spicy food but when eating fastfood i do not put chili sauce.
* I love ice kachang without kachang!!
*Hate green bean or red bean soup!
MEN: * I dislike guys who smell. * I hate men who are wishy washy
* I'm attracted to eyes that are intense.
* I have a liking for men who wear polo tee and shirt. * Guys who are unpredictable and sometimes cold towards me attracts me. ( I am the fan jian sort of girls)
SHOPPING/FASHION:* I love shopping for earrings and accessories. (alot of them still new and untouched)
* I would not buy something that is the last piece and in no good condition even though it is cheap.
* I will give my 120% attention whenever hairstylist trim my fringe. I make sure is trimming and not cutting.
* whenever there is isetan sales, I can't stop shopping for bras! ( a few of them are still new unopen in my cardboard)
* I hate shopping for shoes coz I have feet that are as big as dragon boats.
*I like shopping for others and no myself. Maybe if I am thinner, I will enjoy shopping for myself.
*I like romantic style but always protray Dramatic style.
RANDOM: * I like to cry into pillows. I like to cry in the shower. * I am a different person at night in my own solitude. A solemn and sucidal me. * Most of my sucidal and hate life entries in my blogs are written at night.
* I hate hearing compliments from not so close people. (sound fake to my ears)
*I dislike hearing compliments from close people coz they always say nice things just to avoid hurting me. * I dislike people throwing their temper at me for no good reason.
* I am guy shy
* I have to pinch, slap, whack or disturb people around me when I am very bored. * I behave adnormally in front of the person I like. ( i acted as if i hated him or don't care abt his presence)
* I do not dare to try tampon. Scare pain! * I read alot of story books and can be quite a nerd sometimes.
* I sing loudly in my bathroom when I shower and act as if i didn't when I come out of it.
* When I sleep alone, I sleep with my mp3 on. * I always have the urge to watch people sleep and disturb them when they are sleeping. * I am easily anxious. Gan jiong spider
* I used to hate being alone. (after China, I hate people interferring my solitude)
* I have a secret question on how guys know they finally have sperm during puberty.
Friday, May 05, 2006
I simply hate waiting. (Sze's blog)
Guess is just me.
Von previously was lecturing me to be behave normally towards the opposite sex and yah I think I am showing improvement.
Just smile and acknowledge each other's presense can be quite cool and easy.
Downloaded photoshop Cs and did my first layer. Not too bad.
Nothing is perfect coz the world itself is not perfect.
I can't suit everyone's taste but I'm glad I did it.
Thanks jas!
Swimming plan cancelled.
Congrats me.
I am have my 3 mths due menses and is killing me.
Lesson starts at 10am, woke up at 8am and decided to rest at home at 9.25am.
Maybe a book and ironing can keep me saint for now.
Pilates tonight. Talking about ren yuan (Human relation), yes I agree mine is not too bad.But it comes to understanding people and listening to them. Nothing comes for free, you have to work for it.Sze always says I have very good ren yuan. Maybe I do.But I am not born with it, I worked for it. I appreciates people for whatever they did and I do not have sudden mood swings.Most of all, my friends are not tired of being friends with me.They do not have to be someone they are not when they are with me.Mistress, lesbian, gay, slut, bitch or plain mean.I don't judge them for their interests and I will not treat them less human for whatever they are doing. I am no saint but I am sincere with friends that are WORTH KEEPING. (till now i fail to define this word)I bitched about them but that doesn't mean I hate them.Is becoz I like them and do not know how to tell them their flaws straight in their faces.But that doesn't mean I can continue to take their shits.Time... the time will ripe one day. "Your tolerance level ain't high that doesn't mean you have to stretch mine!Your hur to cut into the conversation can be quite irritating coz I hate repeating myself.Whatever I am doing, it just appears to be a sore eyes to you. " Sometimes it can be so tiring trying to be me with some people.Sometimes I wonder then how come we are still friends since we are so different.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
sick How sick can you be? Mr Yao Hua. I mean seriously. Is quite impossible to find my blog using google.I tried. Nothing accidental about this.I tried. Intentionally.Just admit. You just invaded my world like that.Close this down. Can't you do something more constructive?Contribute to the society for example. The word is sick.Mentally sick.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006