Just when I said I adore him, I know the fact that he is actually attached! Bleah .. Haha.. Knew it when I was working on Saturday from JW.
Everytime I walked the stairs in Blk22 I can't stop checking out for his bike, blue phantom. I know he is still in school if the bike is still there if not I will anticipate seeing him in school.
WHen audition yesterday, was quite an experience. I was asked to smile innocently into the camera with teeth and without. Was pretty lame but erm... Interesting lar. haha Bird was the first one and took So SO So long.
I tried doing things that make me stop thinking! Tried eating icecream and it was effective but for only a short time and the sorrow is back again. Cakes are cool but the effect is not that long too. I was quite surprised that I got 2 pink roses though I am not a fan for flowers but for a girl, it sure brighten up my day at work.
I was intending to really enjoy archery and become a serious archer but hell! Firstly, I do not have a good mentor to guide me. Wei Peng fuck lar, seriously is as good as learning it yourselve. Luckily, Ethan was there to teach us. He was the first one who asked us to stand up and learn instead of the Almighty Wei Peng. Shy my ass!
NEver in my life I felt so helpless, never in my life I felt so wei qu. I always stand up for myself by using my height and roaring voice. But today, I can't use any of that. Andre was certaintly too gou fen. Kept pushing his luck too far and too many times I tried to control my urge of grabbing something to throw at him. If felicia didn't gave me that look, I certaintly will fight back. I ren and ren and he just keep throwing words at me.
Damn Pissed.. I mean P-I-S-S-E-D. Insensitive parents I have, don't give a damn about me. Do they care whether I am doing well in school? All they care is how much penny I bring in from work. Realistic parents!
Jake, not really a newcomer but my first time working with him. Bet it wasn't the first time he heard about me. Fel's hobby is matchmaking. When I was working, Fel always tell me Jake is a good boy lar, gentleman and blah blah blah. Her description was Tall and skinny. What's her definition of a GOOD BOY?
I have simply have no right to lecture Jeff. I was the one who brought this to him and I am no better than him. I helped many helpless soul in their relationship problem but I am none the better. I told JEff to give up and move on but I still brood the past.
Ws sreal stiff bored till I tok to wee liang. Was rating people's looks and I got totally inferior suddenly. We rated the girls in our lecture hall and we came to a conclusion: Kris is first... (oh man coz he likes her, whatever) haha.... the conversation goes on.....
I am ain't ur weak n helpless... I got my own thinkings, own own beliefs, and my own attitude. I ain't anyone that needs protection from a guy and certainly too stubborn n too playful for anyone to control.
Being hearing Daniel saying we are drifting apart since God knows when, but all say and no action to save it is equals to still drifting apart. Like you said, it takes two to clap. Have you do your part?
Guess who I saw today? My Brent! My Chocolate boy! How I love him during the days in Royce. I remember I even have a theme song for us, U don't even know my name by Alicia Keys. He cut his hair and he smokes. -_-. The worst fear came true that he is GAY! Can you imagine such a good looking guy is GAY! He knows that I like him during my working days and was so kind to FLIRT with me. Oh man! I am a bitch! haha Did thought of asking for his number but I have no guts so the idea was dropped off. Never did I expect to see him at my fave Spinelli. HE found me familar and keep turning around to stare:P haha But as a girl, I acted I wasn't looking at him. We finally look at each other and he raised up his hand to wave hi and ask where am I from!!!! Shuang! haha
In this love relationship, everyone is playing their game and everyone is lying in hoping to stay in this game. Are you one of them?
Money is important but is it the most important? Can money be more important than ones' dignity? How low can one stoop for money? Beg? Sell?
Was chatting with Wee Liang on msn and we talk about what type of guys I like and his analysis is
Yesterday tarots and now palmistry. Make myself sound like a supersitious person or maybe I am? haha I always believed in these things and fancy horoscope readings.
Basically, these are the main points I remembered. Was sad and real disappointed in my SPSS. It ruined my day, trust me when I said RUIN. I am so confident when doing it and when is done, I am sure I will score well. But daniel saw my results and said I got 59! Oh man, felt worst when I knew he got 94. Not that I am competitive but I was the one who taught him (abit lar) during the practise and the difference between our results are WOOHOO! Cannot believe it man. Till now, I still cannot believed the fact I got 59.
"U will find your ONE around you so open your eyes to see what's around."
Yesterday, I saw Dong in his new hairtstyle. Trust me man, he looks mavellous! G-O-R-G-O-U-S! I was so afraid that he will look awful in short neat hair but haha I was wrong. HE looks mature, neat, charming and sexy. My heart was tumbling when I saw him. I thought I got an asthma attack:P.
"On expectations of my future partner, I am looking for a perfect heart, more than perfect appearances. I feel that even pretty appearances cannot sustain the test of time, but a beautiful heart will always remain that way."said daniel wu in an interview.
Oh man... Adrian's last day in Singapore and I didn't feel that he is leaving till the minute he walked up to his coach. Sad, seems like I lost a brother, a person who dotes on me and a person who plays and fight with me. I will miss him. Not that is he is not coming back but it will never be the same again since we are not working together anymore. Our farewell was casual nothing drama. The crying scene only started when the coach left off and when we bid our goodbyes to the man. The first was Adrian's Mum, I won't blame her since adrian is the only child. Next, as expected, Fel. Yvonne and I were not crying but the atmosphere there was really stale. I thought I will not cry till I got into a cab and started thinking the things he did. I teared, the emotion suddenly gushed out. At least is in my own privacy, erm.. ok ignore the cabby.
The first person I smsed was NEo to confirm the news. Yah, Dong is attached and for a long time. A smile appeared on my face. I am happy for him to find someone he loves. Seriously lar. I wasn't affected much, maybe a teeny wenny bit? haha
Bird analysed saying I don't love him deep enough. In the first place, did I said I love him?! haha K lar, HE is MR RIGHT just that I am not lucky enough to have him. But I still wanna know him. I don't care if he is gay, trans or even married!
Jake leaving pets lover to ARC le... Will miss him. Loss a good partner and a fun companion to work with. But is better for his future endeveour.
Tell u all a secret.. shhh... I shot during archery today. PRetty good for a clumsy girl like mi:P *wink wink* Did hurt myself but nothing serious.Bleah! Face now red red! :P
Friday, January 28, 2005
Yesterday was cool! HE was looking at me and really noticed that WE girls are talking about him! All thanks for Neo, made me laughed like hell! HE makes my heart beat faster, turn real shy, can't look at him straight in the eyes and I don't care if he is attached or whatsoever, I just wanan be friend. NOw, it seems so far and yet so near.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
While waiting, a tall tan guy came and sat next to the available seat next to Sze. Guess he was waiting for his turn too. Saw his ear studs and was a turn off! TOtal TUrn off. Without knowing that hte seats Sze was siting was a combined one, she pull the chair to a more comfortable position. LUckily, Gene was standing up to adjust his jeans. HE simply was shocked. THe look he portrayed was hilarious.
When I came out from the auditon, I saw him still sitting down and looked bored. I was still confused by the electives , hence, Daring xian came into the picture! I asked him which to choose from, marketing or tourism? HE is opting for TOURISM. ANother goal for tourism~ SO Bird asked me to ask for his name. HE said Gene but I heard Eugene. OPPS ! I Did it again! haha HE said he is from SAF. The first thing that come to my mind is SIngapore Air FOrce. COOL! BUt sorry hor, is Singapore Arm Forces. We asked about his idea after NS?(not sure), he said he wants to further his studies, International Relations. SO cool!
MET ADRIAN! TOtally missed him! I wacked him like hell and so did he! BUt sian halfway, he suan me and ang moh and said that we will have cute kids! HE even told me ghost stories about Clementi! HEll, he knows that I am scared! So angry with him, i told him to go back to KL!
LAn ren! haha
Sunday, January 23, 2005
I didn't bring the 2 stalks home as I find is awkward and embrassing so I left it in my work place. Went drinking at breeko and hell man I was on the line with adrain. He was laughing away when he knows I cried becoz of andre. Silly me I know. Adrian is coming back on this Sunday night.
I admit my temper sucks today but I simply Hate the way they spike me to shoot. Like I said, NO means NO! Stop it! I made up my mind and I wouldn't do it. It just doesn't works on me. U only make me rebel. Even if in twenty years time, my arms is not in the correct position,I will still NOT Do it! Stubborn I know but that's my principle. When's the last time I got so pissed? I cannot even remember. This time, all the things I bottled up since god knows when starts to erupts like an volcano. I broke down. I have been stretched to the limit that it snapped.
P.S people! Do not have expectation of me... Do not expect me to know or expect me to do something. This time i think i wanna be better to myself than to others. NO means no. Fuck if you are angry... (to every aspect of life... studying or watsoever).
Everyone have their Period( not menses). Bird's way is shut off anyone she knows, Sze's remove herself from the group for awhile. Mine is different, I can be normal till you push the button. I will get angry easily and snap at you. This is the real me, the lower secondary skool me.
Didn't know jake is an archer... haha seriously don't relate him to sports lor and definitely not expecting him to ride a vespa...
Saturday, January 22, 2005
I was really practising hard for my hand position(right arm). I wanan make sure it is really perfect before I shoot my arrow. I am not a perfectionist but I just want to do it my way. I don;t want to make it a habit(bad hand position) or it will be hard to kick. Seriously, I know what am I doing so just leave me alone!
Seriously, Sze I don't like the idea of you telling the whole archery that I am angry. I am seriosuly not angry at them and don't wish them to be guilty. I can now imagine the whole archery is saying how petty I am and I do not wish to be the topic of the club. You wanna make conversation, tell them you are angry or whatever.
Why can't people stop pushing me? I am seriously drained and tired! I already had a bad day yesterday and today argh!
Friday, January 21, 2005
I drank lots of water to keep my cool and told myself," Fel treat me so good, I shouldn't do it." Andre gave me a final punch into me and I got so angry I dashed to the toilet. All I did was cry, like I never cried before. I looked at my handphone, the first name that came into my mind was Adrian. HE said that if anyone ever bully me, he will stand up for me. But I didn't call. I kept staring at the phone and was sobbing. I found out I had no one to turn to.
I know what Sze and Bird will said and I am only asking for a scolding. I felt even worst and don;t want to go back to the grooming room to see Andre's face. Fel was worried for me and called me to go back. Jake consoled me and asked me to ignore his shit. As i am writing this, I am crying. Dan smsed me and I told him but as expected, he don;t really understand. I feel like telling pople but I don't know how and they would not understand so what;s the point?
I was never a cry baby but this time I feel so gu niang. Just let me cry!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
The idea of me moving out have shelf at the back of my head and now is comes back. Is a sooner or later thing I will do. I am 19 this year, give me 2 years and I want OUt! OUt of this shit place man.
Sze once said that I am also counted as the luckiest. I have my parents around unlike Bird and her. Is a different problem you encounter as compared to mine. You all learnt independent as your parents are not always around. I was forced to learn. Reason being, I am the oldest! The lamest reason I ever heard. For god's sake, what generation le still talk about this lame crap. While my siblings enjoy, I have to work. My siblings got all the goodies and me? I got to buy my own clothes.
Fuck lar... LEave me alone.... just stop nagging at me... stop preaching me..
Monday, January 17, 2005
Saw him yesterday, wasn't what I expected or should I said I have no expectation of him at all! He started asking," Are you huixian?" Abit feihua as I was the only soul in the grooming room. As usual, I was in the lokest clothing and looks ugly. Luckily, I have not tied my hair den.
He made me laughed not by the things he said but the way he reacted. I was laughiung away. VOn said I was evil and shouldn't laughed at him.
Haha... I will TrY!
Saturday, January 15, 2005
I wish I can tell my friends that I am living better everyday but I am not. Sometimes, I feel the breathe I fee l the air so stale that I feel choking just breathing in.
During our chilling session with my gang, peg and I combined forces to just give up on their crush as they seems so unhappy. I thought liking someone is happy? I am, just looking at Dong. HE just brighten up my day and I am not asking for more. But seems like humans are not contended hur.
Yesterdaywasn't really a fantastic day, I supposed, more drama than any other day. Seeing Jeff like that sure pain us, or maybe me. Why go through this? Is it worth it? What is so good about her? All the question running in my head. It applies to even me and all the ladies in the world man!
Friday, January 14, 2005
n on..... n on.....
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
dun worry hui xian u gt standard
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ ) We luff , we share, we dream ... says:
wat standard?
ur quality management never teach u anything seh
haha( i admit i feel inferior... coz of my looks, my build n my size)
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
means dun worry nobody wan u
Is different talking to him and other guys. He makes me feel so Bea--ti---ful and wan---ted while others make me feel like tra--sh , u--s--ed and s-p--are. I know he is sincere and I trust him. Unlike others, I will think they are just bluffing me or trying to make me feel better.
But i guess I will get bored soon lar or I may find wee liang fake one day. I am fickle and contradicitng . Ignore me, I am blabbering rubbish.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
I cannot feign innocent . I cannot act as if I am helpless when I am not. I don't want to be weak in front of everyone. I wouldn't cry in front of my competitors and I certainly wouldn't show my weakness in front of them.
I am loud and boyish but that's just me and I wouldn't change for anyone. Is me!
I know I am at a losing ends compared to those helpless looking and innocently sweet looking girls or should I said I already am, since I am tall, big and fat. I heard from fel or based on history, I know that guys likes those "wind will blow type", softspoken and run 2 rounds will faint type. haha Imagine me being shu nu?! haha JOke of the day man!
Was studying with Sze in the library. We were in the quiet zone but we ain't quiet, we were laughing away, gossiping and scorn at people! I know her for 12 yrs and it ain't short though at times we really gets on each others nerves but we care for each other. We had a great talk, don't we, sze!? haha Do not doubt our friendship man and no one can broke us apart. PPle dun sow discord ar... haha
I certainly tried but what did I got in return? I don't know what you want because you didn't say what you want. Is it me that I don't know how to maintain friendship or you being too passive and critical? You shut yourselve up and how am I supposed to know what shit runs in your brain?
When swimming today and found out that my speed slows down alot! But luckily my stamina is still there. Was pleased that I did it due to my determination to prove that I can do it.:P haha
I want to go for the Japan exchange program but I got some problem, The money. Better plan it before I decide on going or not.
P.S. Daniel, What is wrong with you? Just keep quiet cannot solve any problems.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Before that, I was staring at him and noticed that he shaved his armpit! haha Sze was like erk! haha I simply love him and I found out that I wouldn't mind a guy with shaved armpits. I am sick! haha Previously, I already noticed that he trimmed his brows and I love his sexy thick brows... Manly! I seriously wouldn't mind if he is a gay unless he is willing to change straight for me.:> haha
Classic case of my crush. The same is repeating itself for Dong's case. He does not even know my name!
My love luck this year sucks big time. The tao hua is still there but no fruit. The guys I like will slip away from my life. Sad man. Unlike, bird n sze.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Some will in hoping to get another jealous by telling a lie, others will spite the another but doing stupid things and even get into a relationship with someone they don't love. Now you will say is stupid or even retarded but nevertheless, people still do it out of them knowing.
In this love thingy, what matters most is how you play your game. If you played it well, you will get what you want, if not, you will be played.
I am certainly not one who loves to play suck tiring game and anticipating ones' move so I rather stay single.
Almost cried out when I heard Adrian's voice when he called. We were at Bedok 85 eating mee pok and I started think about Adrian as he was the one who bought us there. I missed him but i didn't know it was that much. I hear his voice and I shouted (not very loudly) ah!!! I am hearing him now! Tears welled up. Luckily, he is coming back soon.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Do I really need to do that? I am vex!
Bird's Hwee is so sweet, he knows that we were considering to take up a job at a pub, he scolded or tok her out of it. So sweet. How I wish?! Terence is nice enough to tell me to SMS or call him if anything happened when he is in camp. Nice guys but not one I will like. So is Wee Liang.
I think I also like the wrong person or should I said I always fall for the guys i shouldn't fall.
I got alot of good guys around me but none have the chemistry I am looking for. Shit! haha
Friday, January 07, 2005
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
those big big size hunky type ... all very smart and stylo looking 1
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
in other words is manly!
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
shit man tat means skinny skinny shou pi hou lyk type lyk me u nt interested haha
( I gathered that guys like to joke around about such things)
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
then u see me wad type ?
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
u ar... quiet quiet... cool cool type.. lanky n lean ba
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
i wat type?
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
nt 2 fat nt 2 skinny juz nice lor ... ( listen till super song)
ur shen chai is proportionate tat is wad matters ... ( music to my ears)
arh to me tat type shen cai i tink is best
yes spunky , outgoing , straightforward attitude
i tink chabor dunnit 2 b so skinny lyk naomi campbell then called nice .... tat is wrong opinion .... for ur size i tink its quite acceptable
but then again those guys u lyk r so hunky u compare size u r not much of a prob haha( in between some conversation not included)
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
haha but hunky guys dun like girl like mi...
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
then wad kind ??????
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
they like babe looking girls
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
u mean lyk pig so fat ? those big booby tanned skin n skinny body ?( song like hell) pls lar
no lor
trust me altho im no hunk but u stand a chance
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
haha.. but i dun even know mi.. he wun lay his freaking eyes on mi de
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
understood rite ...
if i noe tis gal lyk me would i look at her in e eyes ?NO lor.. pai seh ma
....
...
...
....
........
..
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
nv realli ... old frens le lie for wad sia
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
i rank u in prettyness err....
slightly above average can ?
above average below gd
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
still must ask mi can de aR?
haha
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
scared u angry
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
u scare of mi till this pattern ar?
haha
Weeliangget over it kid ... says:
truthful is above avergae
honestly i cannot imagine u become those yu nu tho ... as in quiet softspoken chabor
u rank my looks leh ?
( ¯ `hUixIAn ´ ¯ )I am stronger than yesterday! Now is nothing but my way~ says:
my class jw onli mange to get a 7 from mi nia
w/o character is 5
with is 6
....
...
.....
And this is the story of me and my old friend. HE make me feel happy and confident. I am powerful!We give each other ideas and pin point each other to help each other improve. I am honest with wat I said and i think he is too. Love talking to him, I feel whole suddenly! He encouraged me greatly.. Thanks wee liang!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
According to his reading:
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Guys around me? Let's evaluate!
Junwei
He is a nice guy, confidence, super sweet and attentive which is pretty rare for guys, however, he is not "emotionally stable" and requires alot of attention. Not that he is not good but our thinking about relationship differs. Plus, I am not his type and he is definitely not my type. He is also a player and I simply "wan bu qi" plus he knows loads of girls who are smitten by him.In addition, he is already attached.OUT!
Jeff
He is MR NICE, gentleman and take good care of people. But, his thinking and my everything simply clashes. Plus, he is head over heel over someone so is a NO NO! His jokes don't really make me laugh, his smell don't please me( i like guys to put perfume and he don't) and he seems too PERFECT for a average girl like me:P Or should I say I am not someone who appreciate people's goodness especially if he does it often, I will take it for granted and feel irritated. I am simply FAN JIAN, I know. haha In addition, he already going gaga over someone so he is OUT!
Daniel
He is a guy who is willing to do small things for a girl he likes(which is pretty sweet), humerous, we think alike, charming in his own way, knows how to read my mind(or am I easy to read?) and serious in his work. However, he is shorter than me, flirt in his own way (still refuse to admit), indecisive, a pleaser(which i seriously don't like) and that's about it I guess. Overall, he is also another good catch but like Jeff, he already has someone in mind and everything is about her. So is also a NO NO!
Weijian
Why do I even bother to mention him? haha We two were not even close and we hardly converse. Without thinking is a OUT! We got no common topics, no common beliefs and we are very different!
Sherman
I hardly see him around except working on sunday and we simply got no topics to talk about so OUT OUT OUT!
Qingshun
Oh man! He is a flirt, someone who I know inside out and outside in and I simply know what games he is playing and what is under his sleeve. He is a player and wants all the ladies in this world to love him. He is OUT OUT OUT OUT!!!!
William
My childhood friend, someone who I confide in and someone whom I trusted though both of s only talk online. By the way, he is younger than me and I don't go for younger guys. so OUT!
Adrian
Someone who dote on me, cares for me, take good cares of me, humerous, serious in his work, someone who plans for the future and knows how to play. However, he is too old for me (9yrs difference) and he is attached. He is also abit insensitive towards girls
feelings but he is someone who will sms you to ask about you or say sorry.A good catch but is also a NO NO. So Out!
Oh man! Where's my ONE?!
His classmates. the girl, was staring at me again. Protective over Dong? I don't know and I don't care.
To Daniel: OH man U are not ugly lar but just not as good looking as DONG! Admit it! haha
Monday, January 03, 2005
Oh man he is sure a rare species. He is already so goodlooking and sexy yet he is looking for a woman that is with character instead of just plain beauty. That's the difference with guys that are with age and teen guys. Manly and sexy and yet so great in thinking.
Talking about guys, one reason I took fancy on Dong is because during first day of Orientation he partner a big girl. I was wow-tified. Trust me, I never expect a good looking guy to partner a BIG girl and I was truly amazed. I swear to you that I gave him all my attention then. Maybe due to my low self-esteem or just plain no confidence, I find him a nice guy with nice character. No one wants to partner a BIG girl especially good looking guys.
Weeliangthings will come and things will go says:
u gt loads of character n some looks k ?
I am happy... at least, i know where i stand.
Pain! Menstrual Cramps for the first time. Is hell! Blame it on the pineapples.
I saw HIM, yesh HIM. haha Wasn't supposed to see him today(based on history). Was glad though:>
Sunday, January 02, 2005