Raw wounds emerged.
Night Life.
Pple I am back!
Toast to you pple.
Courage.
Tests are over.
Tests had been ok.
Iso here Iso there.
Sunshine after the rain.
Can anyone die of guilt?
He got nice handwriting for a guy.
Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?
my future husband's name starts with S.-_-"
I screwed up the test.
Me and my girl are in the shooting range.
feeling tired.
Love handle, spare tyre all out le.
Doking of tail. No... TAILS!
somewhere somehow, there will always be something that surface even before wat's on hand is settled.
damn everything...
Chivas only makes it more painful and unbearable.
Everyone got emo especially me.
All ladies are make of water.
Where the hell do we get so much tears from?
Wat I want in life is never wat I get.
So y still want?
I am a sucker in the brain.
Inner soul a seducer but am confined by my own courage.
I so want to let go and do watever shit I want and crave to do and not be bounded by anything.
Let go?! I can't
Leting go of wat pple might think of u, enjoy being the person u r.
Happiness.That's that.
Friends, family and love are only bonus-es in life.
Not everyone have good friends who went/go through thick or thin with u or a happy family to inspire to have one of ur own or even, lovers in ur life that make u the most xin fu woman in life.
Fel said, everything in life has its own karma.
U cheated $2 in the end u will lose something more.
Yes, my friendship is like a ruin or maybe Sumatra forest.
Every now n then there will be a forest fire.
But in my working life, I dun have much trouble.
In fact, everyone at my workplace treats me well.
All in all, Life is fair.
U have something but you will also lose something.
That's life.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
I crave for it.
Pubbing, I find the true me.
Crappy and the laughing xian.
No facade just the real me.
Witness the power of liqour on a man.
Made one an animal and show the true self.
Matthew, had my eyes on him when I first went Plasma.
Yesterday, we had a chat and he drive me home.
Cute guy but somehow somewhere we don't really link.
Fussy, that's what Felicia said.
Fated.
Like what everyone said, if fate comes nothing can block it from coming.
Agree?!
I so missed the union of the BITCHES.
Is always missing one member or another making it very disppointing.
Whinning , listening and gossiping sessions I miss dearly.
Pls fulfil my wish:>
Wat dun kills me onli makes mi stronger.
Now I am stronger than b4 and ready to fight my own war.
U cannot see it but doesn't mean is not there.
The bubbly me in skool?! A fascade or a real me?
I dunno. haha
Friday, July 29, 2005
Details details for u all.
I went Bangkok for the holiday, had an eventful holiday.
Experienced alot of craps.
1st day
Everything is wrong for the first day.
The hotel sucks (EASTIN).
We was told to wait for 40mins for the room to be cleared but after that, they said another hour!
Luckily ours is the morning flight if not we wasted our precious time!
Kanna chop by taxi driver, tuk tuk driver and watever eatery.
Eastin hotel damn ulu. All never heard of this damn place.
Almost cried. Totally screwed.
2nd day
Was blessed by guardian angels.
Intended to go Grand Palace but we were in shorts and slippers so was not allowed.
No.1 came to our rescue and save our day.
Told us that the tuk tuk are supposed to take care of the tourists and stuf.
1hr should charge 10Baht!
Darn! Didn't know of this right?!
Felt cheated right?!
The taxi meter should starts at 35 bahts.
He got us a tuk tuk driver and told him the attractions we should go.
He just disappear like that and i don't have a chance to tell him thanks.
tuk tuk driver was cool, fun n exciting.
We treat him ice cream and even tot of booking him for the day.
No.2 came and taught us alot! (secrets dun intend to leak it)
We spent a bomb and was totally broke at night.
Lucky us, the police there helped us got a taxi so they bo bian got to charge us on meter if not is 200baht! we onli paid 67baht!
Imagine!?
3rd day
We were penniless.
Yvonne called to seek help.
Fel left 190 in the bank and adeline(EP) also not much to lend.
Out of desperation, I seek peggy's help.
Really thanks to her, we managed to survive.
Lifestyle of the poor and ragged.
Every baht is important to us.
Part of our S$ were untouchable coz need to help Adrian get his vodka.
With the help of peggy, we managed to spend on the necessities.
Thanks alot peggy.
4th day
Last day hence busy sleeping and back to the saving mood for the cab fare back.
Overall, we had experienced alot alot!
Rich and the famous lifestyle to the poor and the ragged ones.
and last but not least, i did not get anything for you all.
Sorry! haha
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Enjoy ur holiday.
I will be in bangkok, don't envy me.
I pay for all expenses.
Got the blue adidas at dirt cheap.
Guess I am lucky.
As for the reply, I got none.
I hope he don't reply too.
Felt like a fool after thinking about it.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
I dun have.
Strength.
I dun have.
Bird gave me hers.
I just paste and send it to him.
So not me but I hate regrets.
I don't want it to end like that.
Bu Gan Xing.
Friday, July 22, 2005
So is my feelings.
Tarots reading say he mayb the one.
MAYBE?!
Wat's that crap?
Things are so near but yet so far.
The chances are there but hard to grab.
So I am keeping all inside.
Holidays are good.
Bangkok anyone?!
Believe life is better after holidaying.
My tattoo craze is back again.
Bird, you have the honour to design one that is MI!
People who knows me knows about BRENT.
Birdie did a very sexy pic of him.
Love the contour.
The tattoo. LOve him.
bird, you did a great job lar!
Monday, July 18, 2005
Managed to do them and know that I will pass for both papers.
Somehow, I wish I don't have a brain to think.
To imagine and to dream.
Being a lefty, I am told I am a creative and imaginative.
Darn, hate it.
Keep thinking of nonsense.
Just leave me alone.
Think I am in my "the world is big and without me makes no difference" mood.
I will stop all the day dreaming of HIM, U, THEY, US, HER, WE,OURS and even ME.
Watever!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
I hate QA.
Taking my own sweet time to study for the test tml.
No, is Tests.
8am class tml and is a test.
Darn. Adrian left yesterday evening.
Too many late nights, beer and Shin's throat-wreaking songs recently.
Better get myself back to momentum to study for test.
Count down to holiday.
Approximately 1 week from now.
Thursday last papers.
2 nerve wreaking ones.
Screw PSCM.
MR?! Better flip through it.
Plasma on friday night.
Back to my late nights, beer and shin's song only after my tests.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Even the pleasant attention I received when I cried is gone.
Adrian and I back to normal track after the seduction of PSP.
"Mecury", the game, melted the barrier between us.
I fall in love for a minute.
The care, the attention and the chemistry.
Felt so xin fu for that moment.
Onli that moment.
I thought I will get to feel it again yesterday but it was lost.
How ironic it was.
I simply don't understand what I wan.
I am fussy and act like a nun.
So scared of touches and keep thinking people trying to eat my tofu.
haha
I believe in fate.
1st occurrence may be coincidence and so is the 2nd one.
However when the 3rd and 4th occurrences starts coming up, is not coincidence anymore.
Patient, I tell myself.
-_-"
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Everything aside.
I am the cause of yvonne and adrian's, both of them dote me like hell, argument.
I cried.
NO! I flooded.
Hiccups stopped me from explaining.
My tears did the talking.
Never seen Adrian that fiery before.
Just becoz yvonne scolded us for playing that roughly.
Chivas filled cup dropped on the floor while we were "playing".
Yvonne had lectured me on toning down and stop fighting with guys, I did not heed her advice.
Yvonne had lectured adrian on not playing that rough with me coz I am a girl, he did not heed her advice too.
The pub suddenly seems so quiet. The arguement was way too loud suddenly.
"Not happy you go!" that was the last word I heard b4 i c yvonne dashing out.
Guilt!
I ran out, stopped her. To no avail.
Went up sat at the place where I left.
Air is stale. Anger still boiling in him.
I kept quiet.
Silently, I wipe away my tears.
Praying hard this ordeal will end and hoping no one see me crying.
He started raising his voice again, totally out of control.
On the verge of punching anyone who crossed his path even felicia if she didn't retract back her words.
I sobbed louder everytime he raised his voice.
Fel heard me.
"stop scaring her!"
Wee was beside me, wiping my tears.
Adrian just keep asking me why I am crying, assuming I was afriad that he will punch me.
"I will never hit u, i treat u like my own sister."
Man just don't get it.
I rather he hit me then him arguing with yvonne over my stupid playfulness.
Wee was very nice all along, trying to convince me that is not my fault, drying my tears, comforting me and kept refilling my cup of ice water. Minus the touchy part.
I am conservative!!!!
None of them had seen be crying that badly before.
The girl side of me.
Emotional.
Ang moh, the biggest bully who always without fail bullys me, treated me humanly.
I made a fool of myself and coz a very sweet relationship to turn sour.
Fel told me is the chivas and the previous topic they were talking about.
I can only blame myself.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Kiddish but I like.
He used my pilot pen for survey and guess I will upgrade the value of the pen.
He stood next to me and immediately I felt like going toilet. Darn!
We were so close to have a conversation but I just screwed it.
Too scare I admit.
Can't breathe too.
He is rich.
Ben ben type.
Funny lar... ben till that extend.
Guess I will be smiling away for the whole nite even in my dreams:>
Monday, July 11, 2005
Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time,sweet feeling.
U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.
Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.(not many of my friends have my house phone lar!)
Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs.(impossible to do it when u stay 14th storey!)
Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/her, missing the final episode of your favourite show. (he is not that important enough to make me miss my favourite show)
Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u two went out together.(erm...-_-")
Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars , talking about everything, your dreams,plans, future.(how sweet right but wat if got mosquito?!)
Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/heronline.When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.(I wun wonder, I will start cursing him to make mi sit and wait and hate myself to be a fool.)
Missing someone is a way of growing up, i guess.
It exposes u to loneliness.(Darn I dun need that exposure lar!)
It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.(KNN! is not very hard to differentiate from happiness)
Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.(diao!)
U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.
But missing someone and not knowing i fhe/she is feeling the same is terrible.(totally agree lar!)
U feel as if u are being left alone.
So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss u.( is equals to a confession leh! siao)
Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.(sound like who?! haha)
If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party knowif u miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.
Rach did the palm reading for me.
She didn't know anything about him.
No one is grooming rooms knows actually.
Hence, quite surprised by her weird palm reading.
She refused to teach me.
All she did was poking my hands and asked me which is more painful.
Seems retarded but at the moment it hit right on the spot.
Not sure what is it about.
Mayb not future husband but it means something lar.
Ling congrats me.
-_-"
Is it a blessing or a curse? haha
Sunday, July 10, 2005
I hate to say I am totally affected by it.
Darn!
Allergic to Baby powder, that's me.
Hate to eat chesse, that's me.
Vomit everytime consume mutton, that's me.
Can't turn on bicycle, that's me.
Phobia for iceskating, that's me.
Afraid to watch horror movie, that's me.
Refused to pick up roller-bladding, that's me.
Don't really like to go arcade, that's me.
Car sickness on long journey, that's me.
Fidget on stuff when seated on the front seat in the car, that's me.
pple pls take note I am handicap with the things above so hence stop intentionally or unintentionally jio me to do/eat such stuff.
I am straighter than a ruler and les stop haunting me.
P.s. I am a girl if you guys never noticed.
Talking loudly doesn't mean the girl is les.
Wearing sports bra doesn't make the girl is butch.(u people never hear of pple playing sports?!)
Laughing loudly is my way of destressing and being true to myself.
My actions are big and animated to entertain you people and my way of expressing.
I am not good in word.
Darn why am I explaining myself?!
forget it.
Friday, July 08, 2005
beware.
darn those who always think they are right.
keep telling pple of their "misfortuneS".
Let's name the victim B and the culprit A.
B have been giving in to A, since God knows when.
However, A believes that B got obligation to dote on A.
We, the outsiders, know that B got no obligations.
A had been very sad recently but so is B.
B tried to keep quiet to prevent getting angry with A.
B's thinking: tok less = lesser conflicts.
However, A thinks that B is treating A very harshly.
A and B in the same grp and are going to present their project.
A refused to and find loads of excuse not to do it.
B, being the responsible one, tried to convince why they must all present to A and even offered to do A's part if A really dun wished to do it but A refused B's help.
Since you refused B's help den just forget it and do it.
Y must you keep telling pple B change?!
So wat B changed?
B is a better person now.
B shows people how B feels and express B's feeling.
Everyone have a limit to anything.
A rubberband cannot stretch too far
Do you understand?
A, u really believe you are not in the wrong?
We all know B got the best temper, what lead B to this?
Think. Don't blame anyone first.
This entry is not to scold anyone, just that some sensitive topics are not meant to talk face to face.
Knowing A, A will deny and make people thinks that I am putting the blame on A.
B, you cannot just cut off everything. Everything has a starting point and also an ending point.
Tok to A.
my case is about the same as the above.
jw and I are not in toking terms and though I didn't look sad or watever, inside I hope he understand why I can't be like b4.
Pple change and like my girl had emphasised "pple will change.. no matter what.. no matter what.. "
I walked through that phase of my life and become stronger.
I can't babyfeed you anymore or shower you my attention like I used to do.
different class, different beliefs and alot of other reasons why we are not the same anymore.
Once, I believed that we can be best of friends but history always repeats.
Guess I only have my girls who are with me all my life.
Either their 命 damn 硬 or sage- like, that;s why we still can hang on for such a long time.
Friends walked in and out of my life but not many left footprints.
I am cursed to have few true friends.
I wished all of you dun find stupid things to argue with ur friends. Is not worth it.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Guess haven't been sleeping enough.
No more late night online.
Time to buck up and study for that darn FMA.
Saturday. Hai~ Work after the darn test.
Guess will be fun ba.
With jeremy and me, we will rock the grooming room down.
Was writing to sze in the 鸟蛋's tutorial class, i noticed that I can't be like her.
So 理性, I can't just say give up and be normal about it.
The things will run in my head like the clock ticking every seconds.
I not expecting him to like me but just like me stare at him from afar.
OKay, sound sick.
But is just purely entertainment.
A reason for skool?! watever you call it.
Don't let me hate him.
I wun fall for him either.
back on track pls.
Life is darn boring lar but I will end my misery during our short break.
Bangkok HEre I come!
Lifestyle of the rich and famous I called it.
daniel, dun try to seduce me with CK Contradiction. haha
Simply love the smell lar but dan dun sit so near me.
I can be easily aroused by contradiction so to prevent you being rape, u know what to do lar.
Everyone is telling me they are putting on wt except jeremy (coz tio dengue) and sze.
feel so ugly when I shower myself.
So peggy, ling and von. STOP IT!
Feeling fat and lardish again.
He wore tee today.
He is quite build actually.
Making me feel fat all over again.
Went PRC and had fun playing my my love. HUSKIES!
Aragon and Angel.
Darn pretty.
Got scoldings for playing with them.
Darn the vet. Super freaker!
Upload pic when jeremy send mi
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
So cool lar, seeing puppies with eyes and ears that are not opened.
A snip of the scissors will determine whether or not the dog will be pretty.
adrian did a great job, my hades got sexy tail:P
haha
Got hades to groom in hv. yeah i know, he is big and stuff but the experts there assured me that he is fine.
Subway had never taste that wonderful before.
yummy cold cut trio is wonderful and so is the tuna.
he looked for me during pscm. I was heading to hv.
Hope is mi that he is looking for.wahaha
I ain't sad so dun be disturbed by my previous entries.
Need a place to whine badly.
William, u said I can pinch u to destress.
Ling, u said i can confide in you de.
dan, thanks for even reading my blog.
Bird, you missed out alot lar guess more chilling sessions.
Sze, you are also stress so u better take care too.
Projects!
assignments!
Meetings!
Tests!
I just feel like hibernating~
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Endless lar.
I am honest n frank enough to admit i am selfish.
Why can't you admit you are self centred?
I am living life, a life that I wish I have the ability to change.
I complaint, whined and even cry but I still live it and tried to spice it up and be myself.
I don't wanna be anyone's doormat nor be someone's "secretary".
Tell me, am I wrong to be self protected?
U irritate that hell out of me at a period of time.
ur loans, ur lameness, ur ego , ur pride.... is all about you and nothing about us.
U want this done, we must go do it for you.
U want a cap for birthday present and ask me to get it for you so way beofre ur birthday when you know I am low on cash.
I just want some time away from you before I start shooting u.
Now I am busy with stuff and here u goes said that I changed and blah blah blah.
My fault. Again.
Family. friends. Always my fault.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Can't stop cursing my sister.
can't stop wishing that my mum is a better mum or rather don't have one.
Wat's the point of having one and all she does is to put u down?
I cried.
gain sympathy?! Fuck off.
Loser I am. But tears are never my weapon.
Just can't bring myself to rebuke her.
feeling unfair and all, I cried and was screwing her.
She claims that I was trying to gain sympathy, saying I am not strong.
I cried because I got such a mother.
I cried because all she thinks and will only believe that the eldest is always wrong.
I cried because is totally unfair that my mother is biased against me.
Darn my sister... worthless creep and all she did are things that benefits her.
Self fish arse!
I need solitude.
Friday, July 01, 2005