Idolising people's life
My mum always say I am materialistic and not practical coz I always wants things that people have and things that we cannot afford to have.
Remember the days where I begged and throw tantrum for a cabbage kid.
I was dying for it and none of my friends have it, but my wish was harshly declined.
Baby G was in fashion then and every kid dream of having a cool baby G watch.
my mum promised mi if i score well, she will get me one.
I did and she did spend money on a watch for me but it was SPOON.
I always think I do not have the opportunities to indulge in life as much as people of the same age as mine.
My allowance are pathethic and till now it still is.
I don't have a fairy tale family where father is a high flyer, mum a beautiful tai tai, a home big enough for you to run 2.4km and high tech appliances that aids in pple's living.
I was living in a 3 room flat in holland v then. ( moved when i grow older)
Father is a cook and mother a part-time cleaner.
I am the eldest child followed by a sis and a bro.
Responsiblilty lay on my shoulder right after the birth of my sis.
Everything was shared between me and my sis.
I know she dreaded using my second hand stuff but is onli economical to do that.
In my family, our theory is if u want it, you get it in ur own means.
Thus, me at the tender age I stole.
Is never the thrill that I seek in stealing, is the want.
I want to be like others. I want to have what they have.
Maybe is something that deep down in me at that point of time, to be accepted.
I was poor and still am.
Lucky me, I got an uncle who loves me and gives me additional allowance.
Though is nothing much but it stops me from stealing and enjoy life like a youngster to watch movie, have fastfood and play.
Turned over a new leaf but wasn't given a chance by my mum.
Forever bringing it up and using it to bring me down.
Till now if she lost a Ez link or some worthless card, she will first ask me.
Normal acad and stealing had automatically demote me to the useless caterogies.
Trying to prove you are capable?!
Is harder than you can ever imagine.
cry every nights for your stupidity and your past mistakes.
Everytimes my mum ask me about the lost items, I felt like I got stabbed.
I studied like hell just to prove that I am not useless.
I got gd results but wat have i proved?! nothing.
Nothing is good enough for her.
I envy pple's family so closed and united.
Unlike mine.
Always hearing bird's and sze's parents always make me feel ashamed to mention mine.
My stealing past wasn't told to anyone.
All I can say is I was once rebellious.
My parents are not divorced technically but they don't sleep together anymore.
By the way, my mother is 57 and father 55 this yr.
I hate meet the parents' day.
I hate it when people ask me, "your grandmother ar?"
I did lie once and got so guilty after that.
So thereafter, I asked her not to come to skool.
But as I got older, I can't be bothered to explain anymore.
Thus, I always say that after 30 I am not married I am not going to get married.
My mother got married at 35 so you do your own calculation.
How can I bear to let my kid go through what I went through?!
My mother is illiterate and dad only have secondary education.
I hate indian form teachers.
In meet the parents' day, I was the interpreter and the content is my conduct.
How ironic!
I wasn't a bad student nor was I a very good one.
I have to tell my mum that teachers think I am talkative?!!
I dunno why I have the guts to do a confession of my wrong doings.
The urge is too strong to resist, the past, the wounds still raw.
Tears spilled down when an imaginery video of me and the events starts playing in my mind.
As if it was yesterday. So fresh.
I am waiting for my judgement day. Hope I felt better after this is posted up.
