retro-tified me

2006-08-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

294th post.
the final one it will be.
Things changed, time past, people grows.

It time for the new era, the new me.
For I am impeccable.

2006-08-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

got the domain.
moving soon i guess.

jas thought of the name.
so genius of her.
(God, sometimes i need to say some unharmful white lies) lol

damn her! her is already up.
mine only a few second slower how come take so much longer?!
basket!

soup spoon serves chunky mushroom soupand just thinking makes mi salivate.
i want!!!!
the food was secondary, the main dish was yet again our talks.
jas thought of staying in dorm.
true enough is less troublesome but nthing comes for free.
the price to pay is a few hundred more.

on the different note, had tuition today with alvin.
i got some ways with kids.
they seems to like me disturbing them but my attention span is too short.
too short to continously "play" with them.

dog walking starts the following week.
a good lover he is but sadly very attached to a sinaporean chinese babe.
enrique look alike.

dream, just like me dream.
i am impeccable.

2006-08-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

The week is punctured with social engagements and bloodcurdling urgency to finish up all project presentations or skit. (Yes, not one, not two but three. Hell, why are the freaking clients taking their own sweet time?)

Finally, BD presentation was done.
I impressed myself. Period.
Was so disappointed in myself the day before.
Jas constantly remind me that I can do it and those hiccups was no great deal.
Her faith in my ability overwhelmed me.

My BD group.
The best in fact for one can make up another's disability.

The support I got from my group is tremendous.
Thank you and guess we can rest for awhile before rushing for the report.

The b.i.t.c.h.e.s!
I missed the crap we talked about everytime we meet.
Chilling seems mundane without them.

we should bloody hell take some decent photos.

KL is having huge mega sale.
I wun be going this time.
Wat a waste!!!
I missed my bro though.
More smelly tofu the next time I head up to visit him.
Haven't have time to catch him when he got back, so wasted.

Exams.... better study... tml.
haha

2006-08-01T23:30:00.001+08:00

in the midst of finding a new blog name.
pardon my current childish n yet lame blogsite name.
tot is will deter pple from stalking me.
apparently, i failed.
with the bulk of stalkers around, i have no peace of mind.

Jas mentioned that a domain name is about $10.40.

Why not?!

my own site. just like jenniferlopez.com or nike.com
i can be my own little star.

I hate bd. presentation tml.
still having butterflies in my stomach and stuck up at my throat.
never felt so useless before.

2006-07-30T23:36:00.000+08:00

Haha had fun going out and simply enjoy.

Eat and be fat.
How to be Christy Cheung by 21st?
haha

Jeremy, stop haunting me!

LIT court session tml so excited.
But think about it... how come only sze doing the type out?!
bleah! opps.
How come no delegation of work?! opps.

Sze! Xin Ku ni le.
Tml fight for our honours!! See Yuen their group so evil.
Changing the nomination affect us! Basket.

TMD!

2006-07-29T02:21:00.000+08:00

I am eating way too much... i had subway for dinner... porridge for supper and i am gobbling up leftover spag my mum left for me...
damn! i forgot the feeling of being full.

Worst! i am putting on wt around my midriff area as if i wore a swimming float around me!

I need to stop...
Yes, stop me!!!

2006-07-28T00:41:00.000+08:00

BD is up to my neck, choking me... inhaler can't help.
Luckily, there's edmund to make bd meeting less painful.
Bickering and laughing helps to make the dreadful bd class seems shorter.
I bet everyone in the group agrees on that.

Finally had a chance to catch a movie.
Pirate of the Carribean nor Da Vinci Code can drag me off my busy schedule.
Guess which actor charmed me?

haha....
yesh!!!
Keanu Reeves!!!
Story line is not realistic but is real touching.

i dunno abt u but i like this show.

Saw Joey Loh at cine!
HE turned into a freaking uncle and he is balding.
A stomach for someone who used to be in school basketball player.
Pls dun let pple know that I used to have a 4 yr huge crush on him.

Freaking look like an ugly looking nichalos cage.
The pic below is not how he looks like now...
Add 20 more yrs to this pic and you get what I mean.

the white guy.

I was once blind but now i see.

2006-07-23T15:58:00.000+08:00

LIT projects.... BD.... Blah blah blah.

It just keep coming, ain't it?!

On a different note, my hair is going bigger and the whities are surfacing out of their hideout!
To cut or not to cut?!
To dye or not to dye?!

Life is all about choices.
and I hate i!

Rui Xian is back from brisbane, UQ.
Didn't know she is from brisbane and never will I expect her to study in UQ!!!
So qiao.

I miss seeing my face in my blog entries...

Bd discussion makes all of us thirsty!

bya crashing in for our bd class

The GEEKS!!

2006-07-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

I saw Shi Kang Jun, also known as Jones to some.
We were in the same pub!!!
Plasma!!!1

Sitting next to each other at the bar table.

Loud voice... powerful to be exact. Heard him sing live.
Not tall, about my ht and fair looking.
A looker and a bit gayish.
haha

He sings well, with the right ohhs.... and wooos... and of own style.
You know that there are same who wants to sing exactly how the original singer sang it...blah blah blah... so copy cat
So not original!!!

But he is different.

To speak the truth, I don't know he was Shi Kang Jun till Vera told me.
All should I say, I don't give a damn to whoever is in the pub.

But he sang too well esp Jay's Hei Se You Mo.
I freaking love that song lar...

To those who don't know who I am talking about...

This is Shi Kang Jun.
A singaporean budding singer who sang with Xin Yue Tuan's Ah Shin b4.

2006-07-19T17:11:00.000+08:00

You scored as Psychology/Sociology. Related majors that match your highest scored category: Anthropology, Biology, Chemistry, Counseling, Criminal Justice, Political Science, Psychology, Industrial/Organizational (I&O) Psychology, Sociology, Social Work.

Consider all majors in your OTHER high scoring categories. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Psychology/Sociology

88%

HR/BusinessManagement

81%

Visual&amp;PerformingArts

63%

Accounting/Finance/Econ

63%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

56%

Education/Counseling

56%

Nursing/AthleticTraining

50%

History/Anthropology

50%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

50%

English/Journalism/Comm

50%

French/German/Spanish

44%

Religion/Theology

44%

Physics/Engineering

44%

Mathematics/Statistics

31%

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-07-16T17:17:00.000+08:00

How to Market your future to your parents?

1) Be nice and talk logic to them.
2) Be pathetic and say you really really really....... want it.
3) Be free to talk or haunt them about it every night.

Does it work?
No results shown yet but I am not giving up.

JW msged me and wanted to show me something cute.

www.hahacrabs.com

Almost dropped dead when I saw the site.
Was expecting some babes or idols which is nothing new to me.

People nowadays are selling anything that they can think of.
First the mould thingy that grows in water... the whatever mo one and now haha crab.
Lame name leh!

IAF makes me bonkers.
Hamada equation... salvage value... argh!!! Save me, adeline!!!
Got the calculator to save me from studying the previous chapters.

New resolution!
Save money!!!
Join me or leave me alone!!!

2006-07-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

Every girl dreams of being a SIA girl or a stewardess.
So do I.

Requirements (from some ex SIA stewardess):

For SQ stewardess, you must be at least 158 cm in height.
For SQ steward, you must be at least 165 cm in height, if I'm not wrong.
For both SQ steward and stewardess, you must have at least 2 GCE ‘A’-level credits and 2 ‘O’-level credits including General Paper in the GCE ‘A’-level examinations, or any diploma from a local polytechnic.

Quoted from her:

"SIA not realli looking into prettiness as main factor, alot of models have been turned away as they do nt fit the bill. Personality, warmth and no scarring on visible skin (skin not covered by Kebaya). You have to be trained to handle babies, cpr, business/ economy meal service. Don't think a pretty model is prepared to wipe food off floor or clean the toilets. "

SIA tests

1. Introduction in a group interview, you need to introduce yourself
2. One on One interview, they want to know more about your life and your family
3. Psychotest and English Test
4. Panel Interview, there are 3 people ask you several question, they want to know your seriousness, your life, your family, your education and everything
5. Kebaya Test. They see whether you have any scar and stuff that shown after you put the kebaya on. SIA only wants a proportionate body!
6. Tea party. U need to talk more and show that you can work in a group.

Points to note...
Emirates basic pay for stewardess is about 1.6k USD !!!!
SIA on the other hand, actual pay quite low 900 to 1000 odd. Rest are made up of allowances. If you dun fly you not going to earn much.

Anyway, i have to start losing half a me... yes, i wan to one of the IT girl...(nicole richie, lindsay lohan, michelle burton)

2006-07-06T08:12:00.000+08:00

Opps i did it again!
I know I am... I am a whiz.
I got the score again!
pocketing 50 bucks to my account.
Yes! my medical fees.

I am earning back my medical fee, near 1k.

France vs Portugal 1-0

Who said that France are old and feeble?
Haha ... they just made money for me.

Pick the score... Easily money!

Yesterday, Italy vs Germany, 0-0 at 90mins.
I won enough for my hp bill, a very ex one.
haha I am lucky... at least for now.

2006-07-02T21:05:00.000+08:00

Told my dad about my future paths, alternatives and my dreams.
Was done during England v Portugal Match's half time.

short but to the point.
he got my message.

as for reply, he gave me none.
Just nod to acknowledge he understood and threw me questions of concern.

bet through sg pool.
Thanks to jw constant nagging about how unsafe about bookies.
won alittle... in total 50 bucks (using only a mere 5 bucks as bet)

money... i need more of them.
too much debts... too little savings... i need a job!

2006-06-30T01:59:00.000+08:00

Close Encounters with Robbie William

The concert I am dying for!

Songs like Better Man, Angels, Sexed Up.... pleasing to my ears.
They are in repeat mode in my mini mp3.

Man that soulful turns me on as if he caress me the right way and make me moan for more.
YES! I wan more of Robbie William.

Kind soul pls sponsor me!

2006-06-26T19:45:00.000+08:00

Finally!
Von finally passed me her cam with the correct Usb cable to upload the pics....

Let's start with the day before my birthday!

29/4
Watch 8 feet below at Yishun Cinema
I lost my hp.

Remy n our usual bicker... even photo session we bicker...

Remy went insane. Ain't it usual?!
haha
imagine the type of pics we took!!! unbelieveable!

30/4
At gold dust! The drag shows.

The grooming cliques!

The helmets

I pinched helmet 2's nipple (in white) and he whined throughout. UNCLE! Fun though.
So paiseh!
We kept dropping things on the floor and that's why we so friend at the end of the day.
Wasn't intentionally trying to pick him up by dropping things!!!

The drag queen and the grooming cliques

Yes, that's kumar.

They look better in the dark:P

Total random pics

raine yang at grooming room.
I'm not there. Not interested.

The night to lesbian party, Thumper.

PLC DnD nite at Cine. Ping, Fel and I.
Hey, I look ultra round!

That's all folks. Enough of my ugly pics...
Miss me!

2006-06-24T22:15:00.000+08:00

I can't talk.

Refused to do it.

Don't force me.

2006-06-23T16:42:00.001+08:00

I didn't want anyone to know.
Not even family members.
Don't ask. Spare me the agony .

In one day's time, I had two stitches; Stitches for the first time.

I fell.
Knocked and broke.

So much for being 20 yrs old.

2006-06-22T00:07:00.000+08:00

Good God!

I am doing well with all the matches, so far so good.
God bless me!
Of course, there's von's blunder in buying togo instead of switzerland to go with.
I was on the line with nana that night and was asking her whether she was in the right mind to buy togo. Next came von, telling me that she bet on togo. (diao!!!)

An incident that leads me laughing and crying at the same time.
Spain made it up though.

With all the late nights and irregular meal times, I put on weight!
I can feel fats creeping at my midriff area.
No swimming, no pilates, just plain eating and sleeping.

Now apparently, I managed to steal some mins to update my blog before the 3am matches started. (argentina v holland, ivory coast v serbia )

Rooting for argentina!!!!
Though Veron is not playing in World Cup, my undying support for them will not die off.
Think is the colour blue.
Don't laugh! I got a thing for blue since young.
My room, my bags, my shoes, no cup... blah blah, show hints of my secret fetish.

haha

wat was he thinking? haha
funny peeps

2006-06-18T13:57:00.000+08:00

damn the good teams who should win but yet lost to some lousy team!

Czech Republic 0 - 2 Ghana
Italy 1 - 1 United States

Two damn-able teams!

Italy win world cup?! fuck! so stupidly own goal!

How smart! (not a question, is a statement!)

Cristian Zaccardo that asshole who score that own goal!

Ghana, some ulu africian team, played czech like some monekys in the zoo.

pathethic assholes.

the sg pool odds for ghana to win is 7!!! a fucking 7!

The newspaper writes,"World Cup Stunner: Ghana Beats Czechs 2-0"

Damnation!

i am not ok.

i lost quite a bit.

Don't ask me to stop! I just know Brazil wun disappoint me!

Now, I am betting my faith in Brazil.

I am not addicted or i dunno my limits.

I just wanna win yi kuo qi!

2006-06-16T12:56:00.000+08:00

damn!

So much of a phobia.
weighing scale.
had to do it umpteen times yesterday.
god damn it!
hate that geek who invented that crap to bring the girls' self esteem to rock bottom.

he who invented the weighing scales will die of obesity himself!
senseless pig!

had join the gambling club of world cup.
however, i did not win any money nor lose any.
thanks to wei cheng i am not winning with that pathethic $10 on germany scoring 1-0 against poland.
apparently, bird shared with ying instead of me. so be it. ($10 bet shared among 3?)
bird and ying won $59 in total.
damn!

had bet $25 each with peg on asian handicap on germany's match. didn't lose nor win.
in their context, draw. got refunded.

had predicted the england score against trinidad correctly! damn the bookies.
deal closed!

guess so much of my gambling luck.
better keep it that way.
can't afford to lose any with the pathethic capital i have in my ever shrinking account.

2006-06-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

i am through with the idea that this world is fair.
it has never been and it will never be.
get it into your skull.

the rules. play the game with the rules.
i want to be one of the rule girls.
if they dun call you back, it means that they are not so interested about you.
don't be cheap and continue bugging him.

went tampines to do bd alone.
yesh, bored as it may seems, i had alot of private time.
did some sketches for my 21st birthday tattoo.
still a thought but nothing confirmed.
to do or not to do?!

world cup. i love it.
a get-together with my bro.
declined invitation to watch at kopitiam, dxo...
i onli like to watch soccer with my bro.
talks. just small talks that bond us and update each other with our lives.

everyday, we hardly crossed each other's path.
at one point, he was so shocked to see me at home.
he tot i moved out. that shows how long we never get to see each other.
more i want more time with my bro, with cable tv and with life.

2006-06-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

behind those happy facades of mine lies a girl so torn n battered.
the world outside kept hitting her and she got no chance to retaliate.
behind her back, they stabbed.
stabbed hard enough for her to feel the pain.

sometimes, i believed that i have split personalities.
the better me and the worst me.
the better me tells me to eat it down.
the worst me tells me to fight back.

apparently, the better me always got called silly.
advises given were all directing me to defend myself.
set your boundaries. take back your power that you gave.

hard as it is, i am trying. to defend.
trying to protect the girl in me. torn n battered.

i am just protecting myself this time. no attacks. just defence.
advise heeded.

2006-06-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

i like it. mps.
the ritual performed in fremason hall relit the burning flame in me.
so intriguing.

the set square. the "G". the compass.

the cream puffs send mi straight to heaven.
the sashimi gave mi the reborn feel.
wah imagine!

not cut out to be a mcee.
hate to be in front of so many and display my flaws.

went shopping with the girls. enjoyed bya's company most.
we shopped and got alot of discount due to Tracy's connection.

restraint!!! i just need one more wallet.
i just need one more pair of shoes.
i just need one more watch.

ah!!! stop mi!

2006-06-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

devil beside you accompany mi the whole afternoon.
sad as it is, but who will believe the story will be re-enacted in real life?
weeper i am, i flooded the room with my sea of tissue papers.

next week will be a busy week.
bd bd and more bd.
to prove my abilities, to stretch my limits... push push push.
i am competing with myself.

mon- fremason hall, mps with jas
tue- bd, les party
wed - itp gathering
thur - bd
fri - pilates, swimming

i am busy. really

links for xiao shi and to those interested:
http://web.tickle.com/channel/dating/list.jsp

2006-06-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

bore you people with the quizes. i love the quizes.
can't stop doing it.

holiday started, happy i am.
to shop till my undies get burnt!
to sing till my voice went hoarse.
to sleep till my dark eyerings turn light.

happy i am.
my team's idea project got shortlisted among hundreds of other projects.
my only achievement in sp. seems like it was so long ago. yr 1.

quizes. more quizes.

2006-06-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

The Passion Predictor

Huixian, you're a Belle of the Ball!

One of great things about being you is that you have a healthy dose of self-respect. It's not every Tom, Dick, or Harry who gets to land a date with you. Your natural tendency to really check someone out before letting 'em in the door serves you well. You don't get stuck with the bottom-feeders. So what if some people think you're a challenge? That isn't always a bad thing. Being picky just means you don't settle for anything but the best. You want someone who will dote on you and take good care of you, while still keeping you on your toes. Thank goodness you're not one of the many women who underestimate their self-worth (men tend to overestimate). That's why you see so many gorgeous gals going out with meatheads.Is it possible that your romantic standards are just protecting the heart of gold inside? Once you let your guard down, successful suitors find a loving, generous gal who will throw herself into a relationship. Our only advice is that in your quest for love, carry with you the immortal words of Mother Teresa: "If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Why Are You Still Single?

Huixian, you're single because you don't want to slow down

Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?Whether you're secretly sabotaging yourself or not, try a little exercise. Open your mind to those who are around you (and available!) right now. Then let up on your schedule to let that someone in. That is, unless you want to get married to your goals, and not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

What Type Are You?

Huixian, you're a Sporty!
You are a Sporty Girl
Which Spice Girl are you? That's easy — Sporty Spice! Fit, energetic, and ready to go for a bike ride or head out for a weekend backpacking trip on a moment's notice, you probably have more old trophies than your brother. Not to mention a closet full of athletic gear that you actually use. Your uniform is a sports bra and running shorts, and guys find you irresistible in sweats with your hair in a ponytail. Men love your tolerance for sporting events and can't believe you're willing to watch a game or two on TV. Spontaneous and open, you're friendly but not intentionally flirty. When you're on someone's team, he can't help but feel like a champ.

Who's the man of your dream?

Huixian, A Secret Agent is the man of your dreams

Mystery and intrigue — it's not just for action-adventure movies. It's what you are looking for in life and love. From spontaneous weekend getaways to notes stuck in your jean pockets, you love being surprised and appreciate the extra thought and effort that goes into making it happen.That's why a secret agent could steal your heart — he's got what it takes to change the world, but he's not about to go around shouting about it. But don't worry, your secret's safe with us. Shhhh.

What Do You Want in a Man?

Romance:You don't need a doting guy in order to feel satisfied. In fact, although you might prefer a guy who'll occasionally pamper you with gifts or affection, you don't need your ideal man to be a true romantic. (Two famous men who might fit your romance profile are Mark Wahlberg and Jack Nicholson.) Heck, you might even find sappy or romantic acts cheesy rather than desirable. Or perhaps you look at men with a realistic eye and recognize that the passionate, expressive qualities many women crave are rarely found outside the movies. Whether you're romantic or not, your open-minded, practical outlook will significantly increase your chances of meeting Mr. Right!

Maturity:Love might be a serious game, but it should still be fun. Too much sophistication can kill the romance. But we didn't have to tell you that. It sounds like you always go for the kind of guy who knows how to cut loose and just be himself. Practicality and maturity are respectable qualities, sure, and no man should be completely without them, but they've never been high on your list of important ingredients for an exciting night out. Based on your answers, we think your perfect guy — someone like Jerry Seinfeld or Cuba Gooding Jr., perhaps? — should know how to have a great time without acting too childish or outrageous. Whether he adds a little bit of danger to your life or just has a great sense of humor, your ideal man would still be young enough at heart to let the kid in him emerge.

Lifestyle:Love doesn't come cheap, but it doesn't have to be all that expensive, either. It sounds like you're not very concerned about your ideal man's financial situation. Of course, we all dream of living well, but it's a mistake to mix your expectations of love with your hopes for a first-class lifestyle. Based on your answers, it seems like money isn't a real romantic concern for you. On the airplane of love, you're just as happy traveling coach as first class. (Two TV guys who live up to your financial expectations — or lack thereof — are Chandler and Ross from "Friends.") Being detached from materialist concerns is a healthy, realistic attitude and should help make you happy. It means that when Mr. Right crosses your path, you'll be sure to recognize him and not worry about the size of his wallet.

Looks:You seem to know instinctively that love is blind, so why rule out any potential suitors? Sure, you probably prefer a looker (who doesn't?!), but you don't have strict standards by which you measure a potential date's physical appearance. Nicolas Cage? Ben Stiller? Just your style. Not only does this tendency reflect your innate good nature, but it also indicates that you'll be more apt to find your ideal man, since you're not someone who shuts the door on anyone who couldn't make a magazine cover. Of course, just because you're willing to look past the surface doesn't mean that your guy will be anything less than stunning. Whoever he is and whatever he looks like, you'll find him because your mind and heart are open.

2006-05-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

masques dropped.

i bared myself totally.
no hidden meanings, no sarcasm.

chemistry reactions of bd, ascm and accumulated grievances.

i poured out all the unhappiness in me and directed them to the root cause.
people includes sze, peggy.... blah blah.

is especially hard to say those words to your dear friends but i wanted to do it to clear the air.
too much bottled up and i felt like crap.
pilates only helps to temporarily stop me from thinking but not forever.

2006-05-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

i am bewitched.

damn! i need personal breathing space.

overdosed of grass jelly and yakult.

sometimes, only sometimes, i think i'm too vulnerable and extreme.
too accommodating.
too nice.
screw 'em all.

i have no time for myself and 24/7 carry the ever-so-heavy burden to run my life's 2.4km.
no wonder this time round, i run so slowly in this 2.4km.

nothing serious. just want to complain.
hate bd. hate bd discussions. hate taking responsibilities. hate having no life.

maybe being alone is satisfying to one's soul. (referring going out alone.)
GSS is coming. i need to spend some money to fill up that emptiness in me.

god, rain some money for me!!

2006-05-25T00:51:00.000+08:00

i thought it was only tuesday that i dread going to school but the fact it is a daily thing.
the pile of imaginery work literally stacked up to my nose that i could barely smell the awful fart my sis let out everyday to tell me she is back home. ( not as if i love smelling her fart)

xiao shi is going to florida in aug, i will miss that wackie.
get me mickey's gloves! club before u leave! intro cute ang mohs to me!

haha

iaf test was over. relieved.
doesn't matter i did well or not. i tried my best.

to wong yy, i thank you for not teaching us much of iaf and claims that you are the best iaf tutor in sp. if is not for you, i will not know i can study without a tutor and yet understand.

was doing some personal research about myself and i am pretty surprise by the results.
thanks bya, you know me more than i know myself.
i thank those who participated in my small research.

yr 3. tough year it is.
no k-ing, no town meetings, no chilling, no pubbing and no holiday.
give me back my life!!!!!!

2006-05-23T00:21:00.000+08:00

was talking to our god knows where's his confidence, junwei.
a differ character from the guy who is roaring off confidence in the day.
humble and low self-esteem, both traits that the guy in the day lack.

i wondered if i am talking to another.
the familar air of arrogrance is somewhat missing. weird.

he is having some setbacks with his advances to his new found target.
he sounds serious this time round. but which time he doesn't?

"k, i turn gay liao."

just one or two setbacks and he retreats to his gayland.
i would have been homo long ago if i was that pessimistic.

playing hard to get interest guys and it triggers their hunting senses.
but we girls, do not wish to be a prey to be hunted.
maybe is just me.

beat from all the reading and playing my part of aunt agony, i should slip into slumberland soon.
tml a test, wong yy and olivia koh.
i hate tuesday.

2006-05-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

Gee... Tiring week it had been.
Be it BD or personal affairs.
so real and i kinda like it.
call me psychotic.

the challenge triggers my adrenaline.
not only you have to produce good work, you also have to build good relationship among members.
your best partner can be your worst enemy thus you have to balance everything well.
quoted from edmund," we are in the apprentice!!!"

I think I fall for pilates. (inhale, exhale)
it allows me to concentrate on my breathing and my body.

confession 1: i neglected my body and it deserves all the attention.

swimming gives me control and the power to outwin myself.
it just pushes me to break all the boundaries i had for myself.
be it timing or my capabilities.
however, i am suffering from all the "relaxation" and the moving of grooming room.
muscles scream of overworking and too much laughing.

blame remy. young cannot be an excuse for his silliness.
crab!!!! you can leave it on the floor my bro! wahaha

new grooming room is done.
nice?! erm... i leave my comments to myself.
missed the old old grooming room and definitely the darkroom.
alot of happenings took place in that small moisty darkroom.
smoking, water fight, powder fight blah blah blah.

guys can be so interesting.
a tall guy hiding behind a short friend, hoping that he will not be seen.
you amused me. tremendously.
i didn't know i scare people that badly.

2006-05-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

Good news!

Yes! we got the deal, the client.
No rushing of phase one report or presentation. (let out breathe)

Hard works do get recognised.

Free from anyone, any games, any mind players.
Life is great.
I am free.

Met my girl, bird.
Happy, relieved and true.
The good old feel.
Thanks for the present... I love it!

KL anyone?

2006-05-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

we havent lost the client based project or win it.
they need time to decide according to them.
another battle to fight, this time requires us to write out concept and why we deserve this project.

i hate to answer the 2nd question.
i am not one who know how to self praise; just believe that I am not capable.
my point of view, i do not deserve it.
however, my group does.
i really thank god for them.
too much effort and time is put into this to even think of giving it up.
fail? i am so afraid we are going to lost this.
rival is as strong as we are.
stronger, in fact.
need to give our last shot for this.

woke up from the dream.
no sadness, no anger, just plain sourness.
i tried. i really did.
tired from the solo game. time to pick myself up and return to my nunery.

2006-05-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers in the world.

A day that I dont celebrate. My tradition.
This year I offered my mum a full body checkup but since we are still in the midst of cold war, guess is long forgotten.

Plans of moving out when I am 21 are resurfacing.
More energy and braincells of mine are working out the correct formula to solve all possible questions.

feasible or not feasible?

I did it again. This time hit straight to my face.
No obligation, von said.
Solo ball game, an apt description.
I throw the ball, I hit and I pick. The cycle continues.
No rebouncing back. One sided.

Baking cake for mother's day.
Housework to destress.
A combi that will never find in me. Ever.

2006-05-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

Tiring yet fulfiling enough for my soul.
Spilled out my woes, my sorrows and my pains.
Not sure whether I have the right listeners, guess only time can tell.
Felt good but yet not too fantastic.

How did I managed to walk through this shit for so long?
A question I threw at myself today.

Thank god I have a fun BD group to make this fun for me.
Never did I expect me and edmund to click that well.
He calls me ah ka. (jie in hainanese.)
Aries men just have a way to open me up. Kpo they are.
A friend worth keeping.

Full and bloated.
Swimming went to waste.
Still, I had fun.

Head turned, image surfaced.
So familar yet so strange.
So afraid that the bond between us faded.
Was there a bond in the first place?
My wishful thinking.

Tired, I am.
Sad, maybe a little.

2006-05-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

New skin.
New feel.

New union formed between me and jasmine.
New challenges ahead.

Thanks jasmine for contributing her photoshop skills and time for the new skin's pic.

I like it.
Was thinking of something more solemn for the skin but who cares?!
Things never go your way.
I name this skin masques.

Everyday we wear different masques to meet the reality.
Hiding our faces so the world cannot hurt us.
Will you ever strip off all the masques and face the world with your true self?

Skipped school today.
Not too bad, slept like a log.
Rejuvenated? Nope, not yet.

Have a war to fight tml. BD war.
I am not even sure whether it is worth the trouble.
But since I have a foot in, guess I have to fight my way through with my group and win this battle.

I make sure that if I have any discontentments, I will voice it out next time and not swallow it.
My 8 credits, like the rest, are at stake.
I wun take this lightly or let anyone ruin this.

Can't yr 3 be fun?
I hate BD.

2006-05-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

Bored you people to tears with all the crap quiz.

Who bothers to read what type of people I am?

They only want the juicy gossips of my life or how run down I am or how fun my life is.

Apparently, I am having my 3 mths overdue menses and is killing me emotionally, physically and mentally.

I throw temper every now and then.

Weather or menses, it doesn't matter.

Please let me be and don't irritate the hell out of me.

Alone. Seeking solitude.

Just let me concentrate in my breathing.

Inhale and exhale.

My mind is running. Running at a speed that my soul can't catch up with.

I am thinking too much, too fast and is getting way out of hand.

My imagination just left me and went for Africa to look for the lions.

Hate being a mental slave of anyone.

without knowing, I am searching.

Searching for a familar face in the mist of people.

2006-05-07T13:59:00.000+08:00

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:
You don't really value loyalty.In your opinion, friendship should be earned.If you don't agree with someone, it doesn't matter how close you are.You'll let them (and everyone else know) exactly what you think.
Honesty:
You don't really value honesty.You do value getting your way, no matter what.And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem.A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!)
Generosity:
You don't really value generosity.Your needs always come first, no matter what.And you'll possibly help someone else out...But only if it helps you in return.
Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.You tend to be an easy going, humble person.But occasionally your ego takes over.You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance highly.Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.
You give and take equally in relationships.
You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

You Have Low Self Esteem 28% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail.Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How is Your Self Esteem?

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

2006-05-06T23:17:00.000+08:00

Some Quirky Facts About Me (sassy's blog)

FOOD:

*I need breakfast if not i can be quite grouchy( a hungry xian is a grouchy xian)
*I only eat tuna classic and cold cut trio in subway. Only lettuce, japlepeno and pickles in them.
* I do not drink coffee but love mocha ice blender
* When I'm extremely unhappy, I would instinctively look for happy food to make me happy.
* I love hot and spicy food but when eating fastfood i do not put chili sauce.
* I love ice kachang without kachang!!
*Hate green bean or red bean soup!

MEN:

* I dislike guys who smell. * I hate men who are wishy washy
* I'm attracted to eyes that are intense.
* I have a liking for men who wear polo tee and shirt. * Guys who are unpredictable and sometimes cold towards me attracts me. ( I am the fan jian sort of girls)

SHOPPING/FASHION:

* I love shopping for earrings and accessories. (alot of them still new and untouched)
* I would not buy something that is the last piece and in no good condition even though it is cheap.
* I will give my 120% attention whenever hairstylist trim my fringe. I make sure is trimming and not cutting.
* whenever there is isetan sales, I can't stop shopping for bras! ( a few of them are still new unopen in my cardboard)
* I hate shopping for shoes coz I have feet that are as big as dragon boats.
*I like shopping for others and no myself. Maybe if I am thinner, I will enjoy shopping for myself.
*I like romantic style but always protray Dramatic style.

RANDOM:

* I like to cry into pillows. I like to cry in the shower. * I am a different person at night in my own solitude. A solemn and sucidal me. * Most of my sucidal and hate life entries in my blogs are written at night.
* I hate hearing compliments from not so close people. (sound fake to my ears)
*I dislike hearing compliments from close people coz they always say nice things just to avoid hurting me. * I dislike people throwing their temper at me for no good reason.
* I am guy shy
* I have to pinch, slap, whack or disturb people around me when I am very bored. * I behave adnormally in front of the person I like. ( i acted as if i hated him or don't care abt his presence)
* I do not dare to try tampon. Scare pain! * I read alot of story books and can be quite a nerd sometimes.
* I sing loudly in my bathroom when I shower and act as if i didn't when I come out of it.
* When I sleep alone, I sleep with my mp3 on. * I always have the urge to watch people sleep and disturb them when they are sleeping. * I am easily anxious. Gan jiong spider
* I used to hate being alone. (after China, I hate people interferring my solitude)
* I have a secret question on how guys know they finally have sperm during puberty.

2006-05-05T09:45:00.000+08:00

I simply hate waiting. (Sze's blog)
Guess is just me.

Von previously was lecturing me to be behave normally towards the opposite sex and yah I think I am showing improvement.
Just smile and acknowledge each other's presense can be quite cool and easy.

Downloaded photoshop Cs and did my first layer. Not too bad.
Nothing is perfect coz the world itself is not perfect.
I can't suit everyone's taste but I'm glad I did it.
Thanks jas!

Swimming plan cancelled.
Congrats me.
I am have my 3 mths due menses and is killing me.
Lesson starts at 10am, woke up at 8am and decided to rest at home at 9.25am.

Maybe a book and ironing can keep me saint for now.
Pilates tonight.

Talking about ren yuan (Human relation), yes I agree mine is not too bad.

But it comes to understanding people and listening to them.

Nothing comes for free, you have to work for it.

Sze always says I have very good ren yuan. Maybe I do.

But I am not born with it, I worked for it.

I appreciates people for whatever they did and I do not have sudden mood swings.

Most of all, my friends are not tired of being friends with me.

They do not have to be someone they are not when they are with me.

Mistress, lesbian, gay, slut, bitch or plain mean.

I don't judge them for their interests and I will not treat them less human for whatever they are doing.

I am no saint but I am sincere with friends that are WORTH KEEPING. (till now i fail to define this word)

I bitched about them but that doesn't mean I hate them.

Is becoz I like them and do not know how to tell them their flaws straight in their faces.

But that doesn't mean I can continue to take their shits.

Time... the time will ripe one day.

"Your tolerance level ain't high that doesn't mean you have to stretch mine!

Your hur to cut into the conversation can be quite irritating coz I hate repeating myself.

Whatever I am doing, it just appears to be a sore eyes to you. "

Sometimes it can be so tiring trying to be me with some people.

Sometimes I wonder then how come we are still friends since we are so different.

2006-05-03T21:17:00.000+08:00

sick

How sick can you be? Mr Yao Hua.

I mean seriously. Is quite impossible to find my blog using google.

I tried.

Nothing accidental about this.

I tried.

Intentionally.

Just admit.

You just invaded my world like that.

Close this down.

Can't you do something more constructive?

Contribute to the society for example.

The word is sick.

Mentally sick.

2006-05-02T21:00:00.000+08:00

Thanks everyone for giving me so much attention

29th Apr golddust for drag show and crazy horse

30th Apr peggy's place with Adel and myself (Mini party and movie marathron)

1st May Peggy's place and town to shop with Adel

2nd May School, I skipped les party with Groomers and skipped Kbox with Ping.

I want to hide for now.
In the spotlight for too long.
Darkness seems tempting suddenly.

2006-04-30T11:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!

I do not deserve all the attention and all the love from my friends.
Am no angel, no saint.

Mean bitch I am.
Bitch and criticise people without blinking or caring if they are wretched by my crude remarks.
I do not deserve to have them remembering my day.
I threw temper at them whenever pms haunts me. (excuses)
Am not a good friend to them.

I do not deserve the gifts.
I always forget birthdays and did not put in effort to choose pressies for them.
Sucky friend I am.

Seeing the things they did for me, I am touched.
Not the amount the gift cost, not the quantity of gifts I received but the effort they went through to make it memorable for me.
e.g. finding the perfect gift for me, choosing the gifts they think I will like, writing cards for me, making a effort to stay awake to msg me and plan a party/ nightout for me.

It really doesn't matter if there is any gifts or not.
It really doesn't matter if there is any birthday cake.
It really doesn't matter if there is anyone singing birthday song.
It seriously doesn't matter.

All it matters is I know you people care for me.
I am contended. Really am.

I lost my hp.
yes! you heard me.
Bye sonyericsson.
Don't ask me why, I just lose it.

29th april. After "Eight Below" around 2.30am
Is less than one yr old and is lost.
The one who picked it up and off-ed it will have constant itch on his/her hands.
Is will be so itchy that he/ she will scratched till pus ooze out.
The money he/ she make from selling my hp will not be able to pay for the medical bills.
I am mean. I have the right to.

Basket! I lost my freaking hp for the first time on the day before my birthday!
WTH!!

2006-04-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

feel so loved.

My pressie from China were appreciated.
Most I supposed.

Little reina playing with my gifts to her.

my little mian bao (bread)

doesn't she looks like a loaf of bread? haha

I just got my second pressie! first from uncle, ang bao.
I so so so love it.

BYA!!! I so love you.
A cardholder( no more cannot find this and that), 2 sachets of eye masks( no more panda eyes), hair essence oil (no more dry hair), shampoo and conditioner ( feed water to my hair).
My fave!!! All about xian.
So is all about me.
Was smiling at myself opening her pressie. The box that kept the stuff was handmade too!!!
So nice.
Natural feel!!! I am so gonna put my barang barang inside!!!!

She knows me. She knows my needs. She is so nice.
That matters a lot more.
Sorry to make you spend a bomb on me. I really appreciates it.
I really really like it.

Another surprise from zhen zhong.

a pink pig pendant.

haha was laughing away.
Friends who know me know I dislike pigs and pink reminds me of pigs.
BUT!!! I wasn't offended by that pig, I love it.
Is so cute and find it so funny.
At first, I tot he was making a comparison btw me and a cute pink pig.
BUT it was not the case. He seriously thinks I will like it and spent along time choosing.
FACT: I really like it.

My promise to you: I will buy you a tee shirt for your birthday.

My birthday is not here yet but I feel contended le.
20 doesn't sound so threatening suddenly.

2006-04-27T22:47:00.000+08:00

stop ending commas to the sentence, I need a fullstop to this and not a comma, stop making this seems so bright when it is so bleak, stop it, stop it,,,,,,,,,,,

2006-04-26T09:29:00.000+08:00

For some reason, i'm in a totally like horrendous mood right now. i don't know if I'm PMSing or I'm just like high strung or WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

First, yesterday's episode.

Now, the stupid beer game (ASCM).

Affected ar.

Only a small remark can make me flare! So angry.

Went for dinner with jas in HV.

The talk was the main course of the whole dinner.

Anguish were poured out.

Statement made by people who has a standing in your life.

People who should understands you, does not understands or agree to your thinking.

Maybe I have changed after China ITP.

Protective over myself.

Maybe I am actually mean to think or do things that way.

Maybe I care too much and fuss about the nitty gritty stuff.

Maybe... just maybe... I am wrong.

Two different ingredients that are so different in taste being put together and form a beautiful dish.

How high is the chances?

low.

But I just found my strange ingredient that can accommodate me well enough.

Jas!

2006-04-25T00:47:00.001+08:00

Hate feeling so vulnerable.
A wink, a smile or a casual remark will make my day.
A sneer, a cold look or nothing at all will make me sulk.

Sweet little moments to subtain my little well of happiness.
Is enough.
More than enough.

That smile.
I can't help smiling back too.

The tilted head.
Make me want to tilt my head too.
My chance.
Feel free to sms me.
Heart stopped beating.
Teeth glistened at the pathetic screen, at that short sentence.

My sweet little moments.

2006-04-23T17:59:00.000+08:00

I just had a very COLD conversation with one of my girls, Bird.
For those who knows me, she is one of my long time friend and also a good pal.

We have nothing much to talk about.
How sad.
Worst then talking to zhen zhong online.
Either she is a conversation killer or I am the one.
I seriously think I am not.

A diversion to that.
Yesterday, worked in EP.
small pathethic place.
Ground slanted to one side.
Squeezy.

I dread going to that slum to work though I enjoy work.

Had my hair coloured to some gothic colouron friday at von's place.
While washing my hair, I saw a BIG clump of hairs on the bathroom floor!
My hair dropped like a cancer patient went through therapy!!!
I freaked out!

I started messaging people online to consult experts.
People like daniel, kim yong, bernice and florence.
Only Daniel entertained me.
Yes, the big head daniel.

We talked. We shared.
We confided. Like before.
So weird, the chemistry is still there.
The fact that we barely talk to each other for so long and yet that day we are still able to pour to each other.
Something that I can't do to Tom, Dick or Harry.
A pity.

As for today, I played the role of a maid.
I did laundry, ironing and watsoever.
Not as hard.
Snappy in fact.

I felt like screaming out my satisfaction, my inner cry.

I need no help from anyone and I can survived.

Clothes?! No big deal.

A step to my independence!!!

7 days to my birthday.

20, such an insignificant number.

One more yr to 21.

One more yr to be considered an adult.

First yr of having 2 as the first digit.

My final yr in poly.

I am one yr older but am I mentally older too?

2006-04-20T21:36:00.000+08:00

How hard is it to wash clothes?
Not as hard as I expect it to be.
My clothes have not run its colour yet and I thanks GOD for it.

Still having cold war but to me it doesn't makes any difference.
I enjoy the relaxing feel now.

Had my wisdom tooth removed.
No pain. In split second.
Weird to be bo gei at this age though.
Pics will be uploaded soon i guess.

Finally gotta see my last member in BD.
Edmund, the guy who is always with Khairul.
Just my luck.

He is funny though. We all had fun.
Just pray that there is no conflicts between the members.
I sincerely pray.

Bernice did her magic again.
This time a very cute pic.
I laughed whenever I see it.
Is super duper cute.

Peg's mum did my fortune reading for me.
More focus. I am looking forward to my life in front of me.
Regardless good or bad, is my own battle.

2006-04-16T14:34:00.000+08:00

D-E-T-A-C-H-E-D

Family wise and friends wise.

Words and voices haunting me.

Materialistic. Selfish. Stupid. Ungrateful. Useless.

I hate being home.
So close to the mine that will be triggered off by the slightest human made error.

Whatever I said is all wrong and even if my mum is wrong, I am wrong to refute.
The more I say, the bigger the explosive.
The lesser I say, my self esteem will reach rock bottom.

I am grateful for whatever she did.
I get to rest enough and not worry about the laundry.
I get to sleep till sun is about to set and not worry nothing to eat.

I am grateful.

Didn't expect us to have a cold war so soon.

I want to grow up. away from this shit.

2006-04-15T18:51:00.000+08:00

I am back.

Tears washed changi airport when I saw my peers.

Though knowing that they intended to trick me, still I was too overwhelmed with surprise.

Nothing much was said just hugs and laughters.

Didn't knew I missed being back till the plane landed.

We clapped.

Sound stupid but we are glad we are back.

I am not myself.

I dropped my hp on the plane seat and was seeking high and low for it.

I dropped my wallet which contains a few hundred at DFS.

I was dropping important things everywhere I go.

I am not myself.

I had a lot for dinner

fattening food like laksa, chendol, curry chicken... blah

Today I woke up at 4pm.

No morning calls, no watchful eyes, no restrictions and no siansation mood.

I didn't know i missed my bed that much.

I didn't know I cannot sleep well without my bolster.

Even the rubbish in my room suddenly seem so pleasant.

Never felt that way before.

The bed so soft and welcoming, not the hard as board type.

I missed home.

I have a few roommates in China.

and my favourite one is Jasmine.

No restrictions.

No watchful eyes.

No complaints.

Just being myself.

Sing till my throat turned hoarse in bathroom, she just treats it like it's from the tv.

Blast the volume of the tv, she just leave it that way.

I wet the shower area when i bathed, she just wet it more when is her turn.

Bathed in a open ended bath area, not afriad that she will do anything stupid like peeking.

Felt at ease.

Trust built.

Love her.

In Beijing

The SCM girls.

We had fun.

We were rowdy. Maybe is just me.

The bother to dress up period.

Hey I think I look so fat here.

We were crappy.

We enjoyed ourselve tremendously.

In Suzhou where ITP started.

All of us stressed and tired from whatsoever.

the can't be bothered with looks period.

Jasmine and i hate all photos taken in Wuxi.

We look like ba zhang without the heavy coat itself.

One of the Wuxi pic:

My peach fairy in Uniplas.

She helped me a lot.

Hangzhou's schedule kills people.

Me and my not as stable roomies.

She got freaked out by the uneven ground.

Strong girl.

Went huang shan.

My unstable roomies had an even bad day.

I bet at that moment she feels like dying.

I am glad she went through it.

a strong girl.

Found someone as crazy as me. Adiel.

Zheng Zhong, the most easy to talk guy in the trip.

But he stinks.

The whole group of us climbed the crazy steps up to Huang Shan to watch the sunset.

Is not as easy as what I typed.

Is hell tiring and stretched us physically.

We almost died.

Finally, the sunset.

Now, I wondered whether is it worth killing myself.

2006-04-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

7/4
Last day.
Last goodbye.
Last lunch.
Last glance of the building.
Last contact with the colleagues.

This may be the last time I ever see them again.
Fate brought us together and reality separates us.
I will be going back to Singapore to finish what I left and they will continue their lives before I came.

Life is worth a laugh.
It brings people together and yet it separates people when they are connected.
That’s life, people say.
I hate life, I always say.

I am longing to breathe.
I am suffocating with people being so aware of my actions.
Choking when being questioned.

Used to the freedom my parents gave me.
Used to answer to no one in my life.
Used to my comfy bed.
Used to being messy.
Used to watch tv so loudly.

Now, I am uncomfortable. An understatement.

2006-04-07T13:40:00.000+08:00

6/4
Used to hate China.
Used to hate their people.
Used to believe that everything in China sucks.
Used to believe that they sell a lot of clothes.
Used to think that China is not safe to be in.
My opinions changed.

I have learnt that Chinese here are friendly.
I have learnt that Chinese girls here are not all WuYa.
I have learnt that not everything in China sucks.
I have learnt that there are still quite a lot of things here that sucks.
I have learnt that spitting is a norm.
I have learnt that kids peeing at any place even next to a shop is a norm.
I have learnt that babies’ here have a deliberate split on their pants.
I have learnt that wet floor on the street can be kid’s pee.
I have learnt that they use chilli oil for all spicy food.
I have learnt that the clothes here are pathetically small.
I have learnt that the people do not understand 请让（qing ran）-excuse me in Chinese.

I have learnt a lot. My beliefs of Chinese changed.
I also learnt nothing. Squatting is still a problem.

Everyday, I watched them work. They watched me bore to death.
I watched them laze around. They watched me doodle around.
The cycle repeats itself cruelly.
That particular fly haunts me since day 1.
Is still hovering at my area.

I dun think I am complaining but neither am I complimenting this place.
Will I be back? I think I am.
Everything is so cheap here. Who can resist?

For God so love the world, please make China a toilet friendly place.
No worries of shits floating.
No more pungent smell.
No nauseous feel after toilet.
No more gruesome bloody pads staring at you.

A living hell and a place like heaven.

2006-04-07T13:38:00.000+08:00

5/4
I have finally done my ITP project.
Two more days and I will not be a staff in Uniplas.

There are so many ups and downs in this fun and exciting journey.
Being boycotted by colleagues for the first day, being stared at because I am a lefty and being questioned about my background and my country.
Is so different working in China, everyone is very relaxed and they have very little exposure to the outside world. They don’t wear office wear when working, Internet access are limited to those whose work requires them to use it, most are anti Japanese and they wear their clothes for consecutive DAYS!!!

A lot of WAH and EEE events. Everything here is an eye opener.

Frankly speaking, I am not at all home sick.
Erm, maybe my bed and bolster. Oh yah my dog and friends.
Everyone is dying to go back to Singapore to their parents and is counting down eagerly to go back to Singapore.

My colleagues are so sweet.
Xiao Dong bought me China style breakfast and Tao Xian brought me to Sichuan restaurant for dinner. The breakfast was delicious and the dinner was yummy! All spicy and mouth-watering dishes!!

They do not earned a lot but yet they are willing to spend on me.
The dinner itself cost her 96 RMB, which is approximately S$20.
By hey! This is China!!! The food here are freaking cheap! S$20 is already a lot here le!!! (Applies to Suzhou)

I intend to get either a English learning guide or a story book for Tao Xian to thank her for always being there to guide me, help me and instruct me. Without her, I am still dozing off at work and eating lunch alone.

2006-04-04T13:04:00.000+08:00

03/04
Jaded after all the moving during the weekend. Was good, at least to me it was.
We went Wu Xi’s famous Tai lake and Three Kingdoms City with the Shanghai kids.
As usual, they had to wake up extremely early to meet us so that we can go together.
A new face greeted us and we came to know that he is Miss Han’s nephew. However, no introduction was made.
He is a replica of Yao Hua or at least physical appearance wise. Description?
He is the ‘Guys who tuck in their tee shirt’ type.
Not that Yao Hua does it but…

Yao Hua is classically irritating and he selfishly assumes that our dear jasmine is so willing to take a portfolio of him. Thus every now and then, he will drag jasmine everyway he goes.

Zhiming, if you ever read this, I wanna tell you I am so regret that I never listened to what you told me in the lecturer hall.
You warned me of him but I never took it to heart and stupidly forgot the name you told me till things happened and was too late to be saved.

Almost killed myself when I remember the nickname we gave him before I even know or seen him. So stupidly started a conversation with him in the airport.
Me making a conversation with him!!! I dug my own grave and custom made a coffin for myself without myself knowing! Oh gosh! Me and my stupidity.

Hope that things will change for the better in Hang Zhou.

I bought pearl powder for my mum, medicated pearl cream to remove pimples and pimples scars for both my siblings and pearl cream for myself. I spent a bomb.

Kim yong, the cool cool guy in China ITP. That guy got extremely long lashes that all girls dream day and night for. Fine, I think that applies to me only. Anyway, he is so so so nice and so so so so loves his mum. He shopped for pearl creams and was thinking of getting pearls for his mum. Oh please, this is like so damn rare to see a guy who shops for such girly things for their mum lor!!! It takes a lot of courage to stand around a group of girls asking the function of some girly products. The worst thing was after buying, what others guys will think of him as a person. I admire his courage and his love for his mum. Nice man indeed.

In this trip, I came to know a lot more of my likings, my beliefs, my stands and myself.
Was told that Bernice, Sze Yuan and I are hated in my lecture hall and the reason was I was hated was because I was loud. The fact that Bernice was hated because we are always together and it troubles me. She is neither loud nor obnoxious. In fact, she is extremely nice and so generous with her concerns, words and creativity. Talking to her makes me feel good and comfortable. But the fact she is being blindly categorizing is totally uncouth

Wasn’t new to me to be disliked by others of my loudness.
I did try to tone down myself in the past to be accepted by everyone and I almost lose myself to this silly being accepted GAME. I call it the GAME and I freaking fuck it.
Who weren’t be affected by the fact people hates you?
I was affected and am still affected.
But I learnt that no one could ever be liked by every one.

No point explaining myself or finding excuses writing off my behavior because I have none.

Last week of ITP, I believed I am the only one in Suzhou not counting down my stay in the company.
My company is nothing big nor is a MNC.
In fact, it is small and undesirable. The people working here are the one who makes this wonderful for me. Thanks

Xiao Shi miss u lar!!! haha wat new u?! Slim down ar?!!! HOw?!!!! Here all oily and salty food leh.... damn sure fat when i come back one....

2 more weeks nia... miss mi.

2006-04-04T13:03:00.000+08:00

30/3
Happy 20th birthday jeff!!!
Whole day I have been slogging with my company’s processes.
Some things are difficult to put down in words or maybe my English is a wee bit limited.
They had their own version of procedures but are too vague and there are in freaking Chinese.
There are some English ones but I rather waste more of my brain cells instead. You should get what I mean.

I kind of like my company a lot. Unlike others, I am not counting down when is my last day of work. I will definitely miss them especially Peach Fairy, Liu Guo Qing and Xiao Dong. They always brighten up my days at work and gave me a reason to look forward to work. Is fate that we come to know each other especially we came from different countries/ provinces. If I never joined China ITP, we may not even know each other or worst passerby whom you don’t exchange any words with.

Some guy in my company reads palmistry and being me, I bugged him to read mine.
He said that I will have a smooth career before the age of 35 and I will job hop once before I settle down for a stable job. For love, I will have two chances to get married. One at the age of 25, another at 28.

TMD! Only 2 chances ar?! Cannot be more meh?! If I missed both how?!
I will continue to pester him if I see him again.

Yesterday, I had pasta for dinner. Wah Lavish café with no trace of Chinese cuisine! Imagine how much I dread eating Chinese food.

Got my mail from yvonne.
So happy! Wasn’t expecting it to be that fast but I am not complaining.
My earphones, chilli and hair oils are all here. Goody.

Sunday we will be meeting the shanghai kids again.
Hope it will be fun.
The first week was the best (Beijing), all of us so free and we all open up to each another.
No work stress or any sort, just plain fun.
I missed those days of crapping. I really do.

2006-03-29T13:05:00.000+08:00

29/3
Tomorrow is Jeff’s 20th Birthday.
Big boy le!

Work had been fun, colleagues have been nice and we mingled quite often together.
A lot happened and things changed since I last updated but some things still remains the same.
I still do not have Internet access!!
That’s how irritating it is.

During the last weekend, we went Wu Yi and Shanghai.
The former is a place where people usually get their goods from (supplier) thus cheaper than what we see in shops. However, that stupid guide took us to the utensils and appliances department instead of fashion department. (P.S Wu Yi is freaking big and after that we knew that the fashion department is at another end of the world) Anyway, I got some earrings and lock (super cute lock for S$1) for my hand carry. Shanghai was fun and a partnership was formed in split second. Xiang Yang Street is like another version of Chaktuchuk and a lot of bargaining is required. Sellers will marked up their price by more than 400% and buyers have to use wits and a lot of acting skills to push the price down. Previously, Adrian told me to mark down the calling price by 75%. I thought it was ridiculous but now I understand. Do note that not all places can do that and don’t take it to heart if they comment that they don’t want your business. In their heart, they are dying to earn your money but they are just fools not entertaining you. Take the incident at Shi Road in Suzhou, Jasmine and I was window-shopping and I was particularly fond of a pair of earrings. The first store offered 8 RMB but I refused to buy. Call me cheap skate if you want. But if u get it, you are stupid. He refused to budge after my counters so I gave up and proceed to another. Selling the same thing but the prices varies. She sold that same pair for 18RMB!!! Crazy is my reply to her and she retorted, “Leave if you want, I will not even bother holding you back!”

Bloody hell!

She doesn’t know she just let go a big fish back to the pool.
Being an accessories addict, I will definitely buy enough to wear different pair everyday.
That silly old woman!

Okay, back to Xiang Yang Street.
Jasmine and I played tag team together to fight all the sellers!!!
Jasmine plays the sweetie girl who ask to lower the price or give free gifts while I play the meanie girl who knows the price of stuff and went straight to the point how much we are willing to offer for their things.
Was fun arguing with them and negotiating the prices.
It is like purchasing of raw materials in supply chain and applying them in real life.
My partnership with Jasmine was a surprise to all of us. Decision was made within second and nothing is confirmed or guaranteed. A huge loss if we failed but if we don't try we will never succeed. That is how entrepreneurs come about.

Anyway.... I am still doing it with jasmine...
Wish mi luck

2006-03-29T13:02:00.000+08:00

22/3
Daniel, Happy 20th Birthday!
Had been working and absorbing as much as I can in China.
Not only in the area of work but also thoughts of life.
One and a half month in China, I wonder what got me to join this.
Freedom, I guess.

It takes a lot for someone to move away from his or her comfort zone and work in a strange environment where nothing is familiar. Especially me.
I am not regretting nor whining here, just pondering.

I missed all the things I have and the privileges I enjoyed in Singapore.
Wah! MAMA!

I have to do my own laundry, live on my own, manage my own accounts and make my own major decisions (to buy or not to buy?).

Chilli got stolen, conditioner not enough, tee shirts not enough, brought useless office wear, hair dried like nobody’s business and no drinking khakis.

Liquor here is freaking cheap but I have no khakis.
Though Sze and Bya drink beer and Bacardi with me but still… I miss Singapore.

Hate the buses, the traffic, and the pedestrian crossing.
People push you around, traffic jam everywhere and the timer for the pedestrian can go to hell for good.
TMD, don’t know they know how to count one or not… so fast!!!!

Today, is the released of exam results.
Not too bad, I must say.
No Ds, no forward module and I am grateful.

Had been out of touch with the civilization. No Internet, no msn and no blogging for too long (I am writing this in Microsoft Words and update it whenever possible). Maybe later, I will sneak to use my manager’s Internet access. Yes, you heard me. I do not have Internet access!!! Never mind. -_-

Know a lot of friends like Jasmine, Zhong Lue, Cheryl, Qiqi, Yao Hua blah blah blah.
The former two are in the same option as me but we are more of acquaintance than friends before the trip.

Jasmine, SMART leader, always the sensible one is the group and I enjoy talking to her. I think everyone did. Easy to talk to, no air and she got nice personality. Chat with her a lot and I am looking forward to bunk with her. Darn her for ditching me in SMART GYL Camp! We were supposed to share the same room during Batam trip (GYL) but due to some reasons, she gave up that OPPORTUNITY!

Upon hearing that she was also going to GYL and China ITP were a total turn-off but now …
I guess all of us should never judge one based on another’s account or the outlook of that person. Okay, I admit I am superficial.

Back to where we stopped.
Both of us have the same habits, same preferences blah blah blah. Almost everything!!!

Next

Zhong Lue, the baby, always needs help in a way or another.
Hard to believe that she knows taekwondo for she looks like she cannot do anything without guys.
The type of girls, guys like.
Who will help a girl as tall and as strong as me?
Plus, I will not accept the offer if there is or maybe I will?
She is one of the Ba Zhang members, a stubborn mule in some cases, a spineless companion who always leans on people (I bet she is a very touchy girlfriend) and she set funny house rules.

“NO SHOES BEYOND THE DOORWAY AREA”

Diao! Room cleaner wore shoes into the room to bloody hell clean your room so what’s the point?!
Now I understand why people says 相处好, 同住难 because different people have different habits.

For example:
Sze and I are friends for a long time and we are bunking together now in Suzhou for a month.
But both of us have different habits.
I like my tv loud but she finds it too noisy and like it soft.
I like to watch tv till I fall asleep but she likes to sleep silently.
She puts her facial stuff at the dressing table and mine is the bathroom.
I like some light in the hotel room when I sleep or better still, with tv on but she is the total opposite.

I bet she got a lot to complaints about me.
Me talking to Von on the phone at night (so far only once), me watching tv loudly, me throwing my stuff at my side of my room messily, me being super nua (I will not get myself out of the bed to draw the curtain even if it is glaring), my momentum-like wheezing (loud breathing) and not bothering to talk much in the room.

I am not a difficult roommate but I can be a terror when required.
Nice as I can be, I have mood swings and temper too.
Can’t be possible for me to tolerate nonsense 24/7, is simply not fair.
Menses they were assumed but in actual fact it is temper.
I kept my peace to avoid conflict but to them I was showing attitude.
Needless to explain for they can jump into whatever assumptions they want.
I simply don't care.

So tiring to be always understanding this and that and sacrificing my peace to compromise others.
Not trying to be calculative but isn’t that what we learnt? Try to accommodate and compromise one another. If it is always about that other person then the statement should be accommodate and compromise to that person instead.

I am learning to respect myself and know my rights.
No more doormats. No more tolerating to please someone.
It's so stupid to suffer silently for the pleasure of others.

2006-03-04T18:34:00.000+08:00

Bye people.

I will be away for 6 weeks and no guarantee that I will be updating this place for quite some time.

To those who care to know:

I am leaving for China, away from this sad place where money and sex is very important.
Away from you people who don't love me.

Wahaha.

Truth to be told.
ITP in China for 6 weeks.

I will miss you people. (sob)

Von! Take care, I love you!You better take care of yourself.
You are the only person I worry for.

Peggy! Enjoy yourelf in Dubai and pls take care of yourself too.
Adel! continue running. haha

My family members if they ever read this, thanks for everything you all did esp mum.
Weihua(sis) thanks for the nalgene bottle! Purple somemore. I like. I promise to bring back China man back for u. haha

Adrian and his family: Thanks for everything.

I will so miss everyone lar.

hai.

Clubbing at zouk yesterday.
As usual, not fun.
The music. wah cau.
RnB but never hear before one lor! I am radio queen leh. Almost all the song I know or heard before lor. But pls! That place's music is wah... how to dance? Remix lan! Fast den suddenly slow?! Imagine PussyCat dolls' stickwitu with some 80's super fast rap?!!! Rubbish

I need to declare something.
I discriminate underbite pple.
underbite= lower jaw protruding out

They think they very sexy like that ar?! So ugly lor. IS U-G-L-Y!
Collect rain water when raining is it?!
If ever hades is underbite, I make sure he wears braces for dogs (if ever have) if not pluck off all his teeth!

BYe i am leaving for real.... take care

2006-03-01T12:06:00.000+08:00

Playmates in my life

1 ) Hades

Bet you noticed that he looks diff. Yes! I cut him botak. No skirting and no leg fur.

Due to exam, school work and my active social life blah blah blah, I know excuses.
He is matted up= tangled and refused to let me comb, thus BOTAK!

I am going China and my parents do not know how to comb him, thus BOTAK!
He drools terribly so his beard looks like hamburger. haha

Past pic.
Cute right?! Devil ok!
Look at his beard, was worst than this before botak.
Is reddish brown and constantly stink.

But I love him:>
My best x'mas gift ever.
Never fails to amuse me and stretch my tolerance level.
The idiot who pee on my ECM notes.

2) Daffy Duck

I always have a thing for ducks.
Daffy and Donald.
I like both of them.
Got in at a warehouse sales for $2 and was pretty dirty but who can resist such a catch?!
I washed it and have it sit nicely beside my bed.
TADAH! Cute ass.

3) My all time fave EEyore

Was a gift from Jeremy and myself.
He sponsored abit lar.
So cute lie on the side like that.
And the ass tattoo. haha

2006-02-28T12:15:00.000+08:00

Examination stress symptons:
Dark eye rings that extended its territory to the cheekbone area.
Messy Hair-dos which succesfully achieved the out-of-bed look.
Smaller eyes and a apt description for it will be two lines.
Foul mood.
Botak Hades.
Unmade bed.
Bermudas and oversize tee.

Damn those who do not have to study and yet score well.
Damn those who are loads smarter.

Sorry for those who celebrates their birthday this month.
I DO NOT HAVE THE MOOD TO CELEBRATE THIS DAY WITH U!
March will be a better month to "repay" the celebration.

Almost everything is in the luggage le so just pack nicely and I am ready to go.
Thanks my uncle, aunties and my granny for the angbao.
Save me from bankruptcy.
Thanks my mum for being so enthusiatic over my trip and got me so many many things.
I know I should be grateful for her but sometimes I still think you are biased.
Yah i know the lugguage, the clothes , the pants and the shoes blah blah blah.
As if my siblings dun have, as if .

With my pathetic allowance, I wonder how i survived through at times.
I know our situation now but since that, how come others are getting increment in their allowance and not me?!

I do not have to have an increment but I do not want the reason to be because I am working.
Hello!!?! I am not obligated to work lor. I am 21 next yr and definitely considered an adult in your eyes. Meaning I have to work and give you allowance even with my pathetic pay. WTH!

Let me stay young and beautiful. Let me live in my dreams.

Fall for the name Chelsea.
So unisex and it does not give an impression that it is too girly nor too manly.
wah!

2006-02-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

Did some Numerology shit using your name to calculate and surprisingly quite accurate leh.

Impressed. So next time IF I ever going to have kid(s) of mine own, name can determine ones life.

Your Soul Number is SEVEN.

Deep, serious, introspective, and analytical, you accept nothing at face value, and you are always probing into the hidden side or deeper meaning of situations and people. You are fascinated by the mysterious and unknown. You enjoy periods of solitude in peaceful surroundings, and need time to study, reflect, or meditate. You may be given to much daydreaming and flights of the imagination as well. The ocean has a powerful attraction for you. The study of philosophy, psychology, scientific research, metaphysics, or religion appeals to you. You are scientific in your approach to Truth.

Private, reserved, and rather secretive, there are probably very few who truly know and understand your inner thoughts, feelings, hopes, and aspirations. Unless you learn to share your deeper self more freely, and to be less of an idealistic perfectionist, you may be rather lonely.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

One paper down, five more to go.
TaMaDe!
Introduction for ITP, I need to do both Chinese n English.
Resume.
Irritating lar.
Chinese introduction not easy to write ok!!!
Supply chain in Chinese is what?! PDWM in Chinese is what?

Dunno right?! So let me whine.
Going to work in Suzhou where is famous for beauties lor!
I got there for what?!
Intentionally, I want to tackle some expatriate or do some shopping.
There, WTH is famous for silk.
I buy silk for what?! Buy du dong meh!
Choy!

Am excited yet sian diao due to the preparation part.
Need to buy small bottle shampoo, shower foam, winter clothing, luggage and new undies (cannot hang ugly panties mah got room mate one leh). Very headache ah!

HRM alot to study and hades peed on my ECM notes.

How to study like thaT?

Wah cau! Saw the 2005 xmas pic! Super ugly lar. Fat like hell.

Lardish arm and pig trotter! Loss appetite.

2006-02-20T17:46:00.000+08:00

I dare to ask, thus able to take the critisim.

Fine, if you think that is my ugly expression that triggers you off.
I have nothing to say.

Through that conversation with Sze, I realised that I am not as easy to read as I expected myself to be. So much so that not many know the REAL me, including myself.

Who am I to judge? Life is such a vicious cycle that it will come back to haunt me for what I did, in years to come. Karma, they say.

Swollow it down. I keep telling myself. Someday, you will be appreciated.
Is okay if no one understand you and your doings, as long as you think that you are correct.

Regardless issues regarding family, friends, school or even enemies.
Different people handle things differently and I have no right to judge saying whether it is lawfully correct or ethnically wrong. Put yourself in others' shoes. My belief.

Always look on the bright side of life. I forced that statement down my throat.

Is always me and my fault. Whatever.

2006-02-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

UCCD test is ok and so is the atmosphere of Valentine’s Day in town.
Sang Kbox with sze again. I am a spoilt brat!

We head down to Isetan Scotts for our private Euttusia Makeup class at 3pm.
Both of us were in this small makeup room and learning the basic cleansing of the face.
Truth to be told, is troublesome being a woman!
Pls guys, appreciate all women in the world!

Menses and now skin care!!!!

Before the class

I admit! I look freaking haggard here with breakout and panda-like dark rings!
UCCD test ok!!! I need to burn midnight oil! Get it?!

Juan Juan, our teacher for the day.
Small, Petite, the typical jiao xiao ling long type, fair and look like the doll we burnt during 7th month or when people die. opps!
Her words hit people like hou yi's arrow. Ouch!
All in all, I like her. Seriously, I do.

Basic Cleansing
Is not basic at all!! I don't do all that crap that she taught!
Wash your face GENTLY!
Dab toner GENTLY!
Put eye cream GENTLY and Massage!
Apply moisturizer to face GENTLY.
Apply moisturizer base for makeup!!!

Being me, nothing I do to my face is gentle.
According to her, I got breakout due to dead cells not been able to exfoliate out and my dark rings are horrible.

Fei Hua!

Haha

Makeup
She starts by applying concealer, as usual.
According to her, my dark rings are grayish blue thus no blue eye shadow for me or I will look as if kanna punched!
Liquid foundations for the whole face as usual, gently. Make sure every part of your face is covered.
Apply loose powder sparingly over the foundation.
White highlighter for the whole eye lids and apply pink for the eye socket. Do note here, I want to achieve JLO look.
Sun kissed natural nude look. The have and do not have makeup look.
Wahaha

Apply liquid eyeliner on the top lash area and pink eye definer on the lower lash area.
Clip lashes and put on mascara.
Tadah! Dolly eyes! I love it like hell lar!

Not done yet, blusher! Smile and apply on the apple.
Coz of my hair, I need to colour my brows with a brow colour.
Lip gloss for the Kiss-me-baby look.

I am done for the day!
Hard work! So much to do to just look pretty!
Men! Appreciate women!

Results? I don't look like JLO and is different from the type of makeup I put.
This is much much much more nude looking. Put like never put but eyes really look bigger.

Excuse my fat face.

Months before.

Hey I think I put on weight!!!! My face like bigger now! Damn.

2006-02-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

To all singletons out there who hate THE DAY.
There's nothing scary about 14th Feb and that does not shows that you have no one who loved you. Treat it like a friendship day and celebrate this day with a few close friends.

Singletons shouldn't be deprived of the rights to dine alongside with couples.

I understand how you will feel as a lonely female. Imagine, dining at a restaurant where you witness dozens of roses, tulips, lilies.... and the men, showering loads of TLC on their female counterparts and you, green with envy, admiring the ladies from a distance... I get it!

But since we are not as FORTUNATE as others, might as make it an enjoyable one.
Instead of being a couch potato watching HBO at home, go out with other single friends to have fun!!!

I will be spending my DAY with Sze.
We have a makeup class thingy by Ettusia tml so let's hope we will have fun!

UCCD test tml ... I pray I score well.

2006-02-12T15:42:00.000+08:00

I am tagged by peggy.

1.the tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. need to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged a 2nd time; no need to post

Target :( Manly )Male
1. must be taller than I am... best 180++cm--- tat will make me xiao niao yi ren!haha

2. broad shoulders... ---I have a thing for broad shoulders, it makes mi... (content not suitable for readers) wahaha * starts drooling*

3. guys with a va-va-boom accent turns me on!~ --- I like just hearing him talk all night

4. he who can reads me like a book is the guy who alway appear in my dream... --- I am an onion with different masks/layers. I don't even understands myself sometimes so it will be PERFECT if he knows me and tell me who i really am.

5. confidence flair in him... --- That aura kills me but makes me want more of him. Confidence not equal arrogant.

6. decisive man who knows what he wants...--- this requires certain level of maturity for any one to do it. Seeing a man thinks and works for his future is way sexier than seeing him flaunting his ass.. opps! haha

7. knowledgeable ... --- I want to have a man who knows his stuff and be always teaching me. Life can never be boring. I am not saying uni grad or doctorate here. Street smart!

8. a man who accept all my flaws unconditionally and love me for whoever I am...--- above are all nonsense if this last point does not exist.

Let's be realistic here.
There is not perfct lover in this world or any perfect love.
Nothing is perfect and we know it.
But all of us still put everything against our own benchmark, including love, and expecting ours to be fairy tale.

Next to be tagged will be!!!!!!

Sze, Bya, Bird, William, Nana, Vera, Xiao Shi and PeiYu...

Went threading at Begum's place and was relating to age gap in ones' relationship.
She got married at the age of 20!
Damn! I thought we have low birthrate and decreasing marriage in Singapore?!
Now that's not the climax of the story but the idea of her marriage is an arranged marriage shock me tremendously!

arranged marriage= marry someone u do not know and do not love.

Pls lar! Now what generation le, still got such things meh?
Yah, in strict indian muslim family.

Can U imagine your nuptial night and you are suppose to make love to a total stranger? ( not exactly total stranger but still!!!) Is not making love le, is have sex.
I can hear the background shouting NUN, NUN, NUN!
Yesh, I am and I do not deny the fact I am conservative.

Theory of felicism: Guys can have sex with anyone as long as there's a hole, while girls can only have sex with a guy that they truly love. However, there are exceptional cases.

Bastards. My say.

Went Kbox with Sze on Wed and sang our hearts out.
Both of us flaunt our moves and voices with heart wrenching love songs.
This take years of hating and loving each other to reach this stage of acceptance.
U pple would not understand.

The pic did no justice at expressing how much fun we had

Thursday night was a bad start t0 end my week.
Conflicts of right and wrong went through my conscience.
Drama spinned my world.
Von and Adrian broke off. Both of which I love dearly and dotes on me... ALOT.

One is my best bud and another my god bro. Both are equally dear to me.
Things I heard but cannot tell Von. Right or wrong I do not know.
Protect Von or harm her. I do not know.
I cried. Like no body's business. Eyes swollen and conclusion made.
Damn! I look freaking ugly with small slit eyes!

February.Such a long month to endure.

2006-02-10T00:44:00.000+08:00

I pray that this is all a dream.

A dream I will wake up feeling less sad and less disappointed. A friend not lost.

An accusation not made. A decision not made.

Lost. I feel.

Tell me how?

2006-02-09T01:31:00.000+08:00

Never short change yourself.

Not talking about getting lesser change from the food court aunty when you purchased cai fan.
Is about treating yourself better and knowing yourself.
If you know you can achieve 100 why aim for 50?
You are worth it. Just like Zhang Zi Yi, Gong Li, Beyonce,etc.

Had a talk with yen yen after fm tutorial, a very intense talk.
Facts that I knew but forgotten.
Actions that I know will get me the results but was too afriad to try.

Low self esteem, no self worth and no confidence. Me.
Always thinking I am ugly, fat, stupid and worthless.
Some may agree but I don't care anymore. For now.
Write or say whatever you want about me.
I have no rights to stop mouth from blabbering and I have no intention too.

Does it matters to me whatever people says about?!
Yes it does matter but I am learning to accept myself and love myself.
Yes, I am fat and so is Beyonce, Jlo and Queen Latifah.
So what I am not pretty? Is it all about the look?!
Looks fade with age. And so what if my friends are prettier?
I am not entering pageant or star search. And who are you to judge?
Not as if you are Jolie or Jlo.

I accept fate that the word beauty is not one word that is used to describe me.

Missing a bus.
My own fault according to sze is like as if I keep pushing the driver to drive to another route when he is heading to another.

How childish I am then?!
Regrets? No. The memories are fresh and still very sweet in my mind.
Not going to exchange anything for that memory.
Connections was so real as if I know him and he reads me.
I am worth everything and thus I shall not short change myself with mediocre acts, answers, guys and work.

Just the way I am and I fucking like it.

suck it! I can't be bothered anymore

New customised Hp cover

2006-02-06T19:16:00.000+08:00

With Bernice's artistic cells, I have a NEW and very ME Hp cover.

People who saw my white Hp knows that it turned greyish due to the disclourisation of my black 3/4 pants. How unkempt!

Was reading Xia Xue's blog and knew that she customised her hp with diamantes. So I was inspired by her hp and was disheartened by my dirty white hp.I want to CUSTOMISE MY HP!!

Sze, Bya and I hence went down to Art Friends in Taka to get the materials. Bya suggested purple (fortune teller say more purple for mi) acrylic paint to cover the white base and insisted on the diamantes.However, the diamantes there were way to big for my hp and thus we forgo the idea and was thinking of asking Bya to draw butterflies instead. Luckily,I am a window shopper and is a sucker for nail art stickers thus by chance I saw a rhinestone butterfly nail art stickers.

Wasn't intentional to paste the butterflies in the cover but was a fanatic for butterfly stuff and couldn't resist not buying. The woes of girls. haha.

And Tadah!Butterfly hp cover. Who say you need to spend more than $24 for a customised hp cover?! I got it lesser than $10! Thanks bya and sze!

Mr Anthony, You see! Nice right?!

2006-02-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

Even Alicia Keys doesn't sound soothing to me.
Is getting way out of hand.

conservative nun- stop telling me what i want lo... I dun wan "blind" members. says:
i told ya long ago... u have the responsibility to remember urself...
conservative nun- stop telling me what i want lo... I dun wan "blind" members. says:
this is wat u always tell mi
conservative nun- stop telling me what i want lo... I dun wan "blind" members. says:
description of selected categories
conservative nun- stop telling me what i want lo... I dun wan "blind" members. says:
2.1 nature of products
conservative nun- stop telling me what i want lo... I dun wan "blind" members. says:
2,2 consumer behaviour
--::{---ｿﾑ- ---ﾆgﾌ- says:
i know what iu have to do
--::{---ｿﾑ- ---ﾆgﾌ- says:
just fuckingly want to double chk
conservative nun- stop telling me what i want lo... I dun wan "blind" members. says:
2.3 factors affecting the sportwear industry in ecm
--::{---ｿﾑ- ---ﾆgﾌ- says:
since ualway like tt
--::{---ｿﾑ- ---ﾆgﾌ- says:
i am following ur exmaple.

Oh?!
And previously...

"Assumptions lead ones to no where."

Mdm. Sarcasm is not appreciated.
If you got nothing much to say, pls keep your comment to yourself then.Period.

2006-02-01T19:22:00.000+08:00

Spill out my REAL time sorrow, I shall.

Tolerating nonsense is my forte.
If you have a sister like mine, you will get what I mean.
Giving me or everyone cold shoulder every now and then.
Exploiting her siblings to do things for her.

Ain't it real?
It happens everywhere, even to friends you trust.

Life is like a coin, both sides have different faces.
A good and a bad. Life is fair in that way.

Nothing is perfect in this world.(This I knew it long ago but is a hard to swallow fact)
I can't expect everything to go my way and people to be always nice.
I accept flaws too because I am full of them myself.
But expecting me to accept it again and again?
I have to say I'm sorry.
I called it bring taken for granted of.

Had a discussion with Sze and Bya.
They said that I am hiding things in my heart which I refused to tell.
How true is that?

I disagree. I wore masks. I put brave fronts and act as if I am very confident.
But whatever I said is from my heart.
I don't like hiding my feelings or keeping things to myself.
Share my latest infor or how sad I am.
Not as if I am Miss Honest here.
I lie, I criticise... who don't? They are no saints around.

I don't like revealing my pain... my responsibilities and my lost interest.
Being the eldest, I have mountains of responsibilities that can crush Singapore into two.
Life is never easy.
What doesn't kills me, only makes me stronger.

A white lie that I always tell myself .

2006-01-28T16:03:00.001+08:00

Tiring.
Legs sore from all the dancing.
Conclusion made for the night out are of the following:
1) I prefer ChinaBlack
2) I am a nun
3) I am too naive

4) Xiao Shi is crazily FUN!
5) Looks matters everywhere even prata shops! (FUCK!)

Was yesterday fun?
I think it was ok. Too much unwanted attention from the guys.
Obviously the attention wasn't directed at me but to my girlfriends.
Guys trying very hard to dance outrageously just to gain their mere attention.

How pathetic!

I think I am some sort of a hinderance to the guys as usual. Blocking them from further proceeding with their "Attacks" to our group of girls.

However, it was unintentional for my case.

The music as usual was not too good, crowd was too purposefully hunting for chicks and drinks was not enough.

I was so happy to see NANA! Was her 20th birthday!
Happy Birthday, girl! Pretty with perms!!

I did the most ridiculous thing in my life.
Dancing on the platform with my girls and was "ATTACKED" by an angmoh.
Before that I was thinking maybe I should try opening up and stop being a NUN!
That asshole grabbed me and adjusted himself to fit between me. Basket!
I was very much shocked and was looking for help. Luckily, Pei Yu saved me and he proceed to Angela.
I felt..... depreciated.

At that moment, I knew the fact that I am not only conservative, I do not belong to the 21st century! Others were enjoying the attention showered by the ang moh except me.
haha.Can't stop laughing just thinking of the incident.

Went out to rest with Xiao Shi and left others with the "predators".
I really enjoyed just sitting down and chat after "excercise" . The heart to heart type chat.
Guilty of whatever we said but was the truth from the bottom of our heart.
Dreams of backpacking and scruba driving was reveiled from the horse mouth and never did I expect her to have the same dream.

Come! Let's make a pact! We'll do both together,k?

Went to eat and was filled with the girls' hunting experiences.
Xiao shi called it the aftermath of clubbing.
The pretty ones always have privilleges.
Accept the fact, I did.
Revealed too much secrets yesterday and now I have to bear the conseqences if someone spilled it.

I think I don't belong to the clubbing world. Main intention was to have fun but in the end, I felt like some pageant thingy.

photos of the girls

2006-01-24T00:46:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with pple?!
They just don't understand, do they?

We are all communicating in the same language and yet we don't understand each other.
Such an irony.

Must EVERY thing be said so bluntly?! Yes, I mean EVERY thing.

Raj can you fucking understand when I tell you to just leave the powerpoint out?!Can you fucking stop irritating me with your endless questions?

Peggy can you understand what I am pissed about?! That you asked me to tell you the date we are going clubbing so you can plan your scheldule (be off that day) and yet you are working on that friday! How fantastic! I am not angry that you are working just that, why waste my time contacting others and push them to tell me when is it when you will be working that day? (yes, you explained but somehow i am still sore abt it)

Yen yen we ask you to help us and yet was a public revision thingy.
I understand that we should not be so selfish and is for the humanity... blah blah blah.
All I need is a yes you will meet me to discuss in private or in a class with other irritating already A's students. I felt like walking out of the class when I know maltese couple were there with penny! Hello! PENNY, the one who boast that her class has tonnes of honour's roll including herself?!

WTF!

I seriously don't understand people.

Perfect 10 advertisement saying," looking for a soul mate that is forever."

Fuck off, nothing is forever.
Not even friends, love or even fame.
Nothing is stable.
If you don't believe, pls fuck the wall. thanks you.

Haven't found someone whom I can club with.
Friends that will not ruin MY MOMENT due to stupid little things. YES!
MY MOMENT.
I am selfish. Who isn't?!

I have enough people who waste off my clubbing times and sadly I don't have much of such times. I am not greedy.
I just want a happy bunch and all letting go when the music plays at the background.
I don't even need them to stick with me or dance like JLo. I just want everyone to enjoy.
So hard to achieve?
Enough of black faces, standing like a block and people who pretend to enjoy themselves.

I am fucking angry and frustrated.
Just feels like skinning someone alive and rub salt to the wounds and watch the person groan in pain. Sadist, I am.

*Sobbing* I just want to have fun. Can't I?

2006-01-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

bleah. siansational. Alot on my mind but nothing to write.

2006-01-16T23:44:00.000+08:00

Such an eventful day.

I intend to post the report I did for the director of SB here.
We brought this incident to the Director's attention and hope to seek justice to this event.

To: The Person In-Charge

Dear Sir/Mdm,

Re: The fighting on 16th January 2006

Time: 1200
Venue: Nearby FLLC

I was walking towards MLT 10 at around 12.00 pm with two other friends far behind me, whose names are Wong Sze Yuan and Bernice Tay. I turned to check out whether they have caught up with me as class were to be commerce soon, when the girl named Teresa intentionally pour a cup full of Grapenade directly at Sze Yuan. The girl with the smug look was ready to walk away with her group of friends (4 in total) when Sze Yuan charged towards her and grabbed her by the neck, at the same time shouted at her,”What are you doing!?” in Chinese. The next moment, the two of them were tugging at each other but due to the angle (Sze Yuan’s back was facing me) I was standing I was not able to see how each of them attacked.

I did not walked forward to stop as Su Ling, Teresa’s friend, was pulling Sze Yuan’s left hand but little did I know that she was not trying to pull them apart but was helping with the fighting. She was jerking at Sze Yuan’s hair. Seeing that, I rushed in between them to prevent Su ling from pulling anymore of Sze Yuan’s hair and pull Teresa and Sze Yuan apart, at the same time shouting at them to stop fighting and settle it in a controlled manner.

All of them backed off and was talking in a calm manner. Sze Yuan asked what she did to deserve all these as this is not the first time Teresa had behaved in this manner. According to her, the staring incident (quite long ago) was the root of the problem. However from what I remember clearly, we were sitting on the bench at level 2 and Teresa and friends were walking passed us and was staring at us from one end to another. She even shouted” see what see!” in Chinese to us. Teresa also mentioned the recent banging incident with Sze Yuan at the walkway linking Block 22 to the elevators. As usual, I was standing in front of Sze Yuan (single –line form) and was aware Teresa is heading towards our direction. However, we did not expect Teresa to bang her again. Before that Sze Yuan was telling me that she does not wish to be bang again by her after the library incident. I saw Teresa purposefully charged towards Sze Yuan like a bulldozer and will all her might causing Sze Yuan to bounce to the side of the walkway. After which, the two of them started having verbal fights commenting who was fatter and who was blocking the way.

I was about to defend Sze Yuan as I was the only witness for all 3 events but was shouted by Su Ling to keep my comments to myself and let them settle among themselves. Sze Yuan out of concern asked her how was her neck injuries as prominent red marks were shown around her neck. Sze Yuan also asked her to wash her wound and each headed different ways then. Bernice and I advised Sze Yuan to consult admin regarding disciplinary action of SP
We were directed to Ms Au and then back to Admin where we talked to the Director regarding the fight.

2006-01-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

Shoo!
Men just leave me alone.

Yes! I am talking about the male species.
They are..... irritating!

Can't I just dress up?!
Must there be a reason to do anything?
Can't I dress up to make myself feel better?!

URgh! Irritating.

Stop staring even though I did look better.
Hate the sudden attention I got.
Is irritating!

Guys are so typical.
If all girls put in some effort in their dressing, guys will shower you endless attention.
Just a skirt and some light makeup, a tom boy xian turned into a lady.

Guys who usually treat me like dirt and sometimes makes me wonder whether they ever treat me like a girl are giving me so much respect and even flirt with me!
Wonderful!

That's why I prefer being the tom boy xian. Is.... so comfortable and so real.
No unwanted attention nor constant probing on why I dress like this and that.

Guys can even lied to the extend of telling me that I have nice features!
Fuck! I got small eyes, big nose, short lashes and freckled face.
What nice features I have got?
Please don't cock and say that it is snowing when Singapore don't snow!
I bet is the lighting.

Went Balcony with Von after plasma.
The place was ok and drinks are expensive.
I ordered a cocktail named "MULTIPLE SEXUAL ORGANSM" which tasted like Egg Nog without nutmeg.
Ah! bernice! haha
On the other hand, von who is not daring with drinks or food ordered cranberry cooler.
So embarassing to order.
The waiters are all male!

"1 cranberry cooler and ...erm....1 multiple sexual .... erm... yah"

I bet he memorised the menu cause he knew what I wanted before i finished saying.
When it arrived, damnation!
Is worst than ordering.

"Multiple sexual organsm?" waiter A stared at both of us. I guess I imagined the cheeky look on him when he awaits for any sign of recognition of the cocktail.

"ha..ha... just leave it there," i replied in the most gan jiong look, indirectly acknowledging I am the kinky one who ordered.

"haha is always like that but it ok. Don't be shy."

I almost wanted to jump down from the Balcony and die a horrible death in the mere age of 19 and 8 months old. Or maybe paralysed and bedridden for all my life.

In the midst of our deep deep very deep conversation, the memorised menu waiter walked to us and start telling us that a group of guys find us interesting and hope to buy us a round of drinks.

HUH?!

WAH!

Interesting?! diao. WTH!
We were sitting at the dark corner of the pub and was covered by the dark shadows.
Certainly we were not that attention seeking.

Von did the talking.
v:" we still have drinks"
w: "how about after this drink?"
v:" you want to make sales issit?"
w:" no no no is my job plus I know the guys. They just want to have companion."

DEH DEH DEH!!!
What companion?! Fuckers! We look like hookers?!

v:" so how? you want?" staring at me to make the final say.
Being a nun, I rejected!

Lesson learnt!
Look is very important!
Von and I dressed up and we got the unneccessary attention.

Now I believed that guys are idiots!

2006-01-11T21:55:00.000+08:00

Troubled by love?
Missy Xian will ease your pain.
Compiling a “how to woo a girl” for BK as to show my gratitude towards him.

I am not a very good candidate to be advising on such a topic myself.
WARNING:Only can use it as a reference!!!

School had been ok for me and projects are still on hold.
The motivation is still not intact.

Haven't been Plasma-tified for a long time.
Maybe I will go down this thursday to finish the remaining bottle of chivas with von.

Designed my name in those curly wovy font while listening to the radio playing sad love songs.
Had fun but had lost the creative touch in me.
Remember the days I thought I will either study design or hairstyling but reality hit me.
Is all about the money in this really really practical world.

Nora ma said that,"my advise for u is to take one ting @ a time..u plan now oso no use coz future uncertain ma... when the time comes then u will prob noe lor..esp when ur abt to graduate... den from there u agak2 noe wat u may wan to do n wats the job mkt gg to be like..."

The conversation continues but left me in a blur state after she left.

Chum Chum!
New Year is nearing yet I can still see my humps, lumps and bumps!
Felt fat just seeing sze pulling the OP skirt.
basket!

Let me be motivated!

2006-01-06T16:54:00.000+08:00

I think I missed my share of thanking whatever that happened in me during 2005.
So before 2006 end, I think is best to jot it down in words here for memories.

Katrina, Tsunami and H5NR are natural disasters that happened to this vulnerable earth. Many died and millions cried for the lost. How helpless life is.

Ups and downs but nothing drama.
Lessons were learnt and prices paid were not sky high.
Praise the Lord!

As usual, new friends come and go.
Old friends stayed and left more footsteps in my life.
Unreasonable they can be but bonds between us are too significant to be overlook.

Events worth mentioning are Batam GYL, Xmas preparation dinner, KL hair dyeing process and shopping with mum.

Had loads of fun during GYL and know lots of funny people.
Crying, laughing, scorning and gossiping.
Common enemies: lecturers from EEE and mosquitoes.
Noisy people we were and got takan by SRIVAN but he never dampens our mood.
Mr Sng, my senseh, adorable person.

We organised a Christmas dinner at Bern’s place and had fun doing the preparations.
Just like the days in secondary school doing fnn.
Cooking! Chopping!
Hidden talents, skills we never knew each have under the thick layer of masks we portrayed in school.
Egg Nog was yummy.
Xiang sang beautifully.
I just have to say we could never judge a person by ones’ cover.

KL was fun but sad too.
Tolerating and not saying.
But the last day was fun!
Dyeing of hair, bathing with doors open (with loads of people talking to distract me from my wandering minds) and watching the Cinderella’s story.

Shopping with mum is classic!
Buy and you don’t have to pay a single cent! How marvellous!
I stopped shopping with my mum ever since I have a life and friends of my own.
Still able to do that is cool.
Talking, playing buying each other things and just walking together makes me feel I need to spend my time with my dear mum.
I had been busy and too caught up in my own life that I didn’t realise she grown so old.

I have to thanks whoever who had left their footprints in my life and creating joy, anger and sadness in me.
If is not for all of u, I am not who I am today.

2005-12-31T08:56:00.000+08:00

Grumble.
Non-stop grumbling of how life short changes us, how unfair things were to us.

Life was never fair.

Used to think is regret not taking swimming competitively but only sorted my thinking yesterday.

I never wanted to swim competitively and was coerced to do it by friends.

Feeling of winning was great but the courage you needed to stand in front of everyone with just swim suit is still too over bearing.

I used to think I was this and that but soon to realize I was none.
I am more, some will tell me but to me I am way lesser.

Not loving myself for who I am.
Hate everything about myself, including hair, nails blah blah.
Only see the negative part of myself, love handles, king kongish blah blah.
Hated time spend alone.

I just can’t be like Bernice.
Enjoy and really love yourself.

New yr hur?!
My only wish is everyone to be healthy.

2005-12-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

Friends or Foes?

Ever wonder the people that you come to trust could be the one that hurt you the most?

Regardless of how many zillion years you thought you know the person, that doesn't give you an excuse that the person will not one day come to hurt you or worst be your only enemy.

Sad truth isn’t it?

The person whom knows you thought knows you inside out outside in could be the ONE to make you fall.
OUCH!

Sometimes, I questioned myself who my real friend is/are.
A retarded question to most but is somewhat confusing to me.

Not implying that I do not have friends or that the people who are close to me are not my close friend.
Just that I wonder the reasons behind every one of them.

Nothing in this world is for free. A lesson I learnt well enough.
I believed human are selfish in nature and hence in addition to me point, I strongly think that people stay by you due to those reason.

For example, because you are fun thus people want to stay by you or you show them concern and they think you can always show them concern.

Don’t agree? That’s my opinion.

I am no angels too.
Asshole, I am.
Making used of people to do things, scorn at people whom I dislike (the CONDEMN aka outcast) and being hypocritical are traits I possessed and sometimes still possesses.

For example, asking people to help me run an errand, act as if I like the person but truly hate to the core and not doing group work with the outcast as they are outcast for a reason.

Do you have a friend who is a friend and yet foes?
A person who you will want to out win the person regardless of what but yet care dearly for?

The person kept saying you are a best friend but actions do not imply that?

A person who claimed to brave fire for you but in the time of need, where is your so called friend?
Is just a thought I gathered and not something that happened to me.

I think pictures speaks a thousands word.

2005-12-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
try it!

2005-12-22T01:30:00.000+08:00

E- Learning week.
Days pass silently without me knowing.

Fictions contained my life.
Murder scenes work in my brain, romance playing in my soul and happily- ever- after stories still lingers after reading.

Staying over had never been so fulfilling.
Nothing much was done just talking and having them beside me.
The connections so very visible between us and the faith of this friendship will last are too strong that somehow changed my opinions against it.

Music work wonders in many ways.
Not only does it calm me down, it also makes me think of the road I have traveled, lessons learnt in the crossroad and things I gave up on the way.

Every thing has a song to it.
The meaning of the song suits the event perfectly.
As if it was meant for the event.
And when it was played, the event will somehow play itself in the mind.
Like a MTV, you will get to watch the scenes as the music plays.
My very own MTV.

I believe that every person stands at a different place at every transiting stage in life. Currently, I am standing at the bottom of the pit hole and too tired after struggling to climb out of it. Battered and strained from trying. So where are you standing right now?

2005-12-16T11:27:00.000+08:00

3 projects down.
Finally!

I am mentally pronounced dead.
Desperately in need of some gruesome murder book to do CPR to my brain.
Tess Gerritsen! Ah! People just leave me alone till I am resurrected.

Grogginess overcomes me. Just like Kylie’s song,” I, spinning around!”

Don’t seem to have much time left for sleeping recently.
E- Learning week will be a week to indulge in hibernation.
I scare myself when I stared into the mirror. Dark rings had secretly extended its territory down to my cheekbone.
WTF! I look like Marc Anthony! So zombie-fied! Sun I need the sun!!!
Swimming, canoeing, beach and parties!

Saw him, my primary school crush.
The heart- throbbing feeling is still there.
He is still as confidence, a trait I admire greatly in him.

Due to my stupid-ness, I lost a friend in him.
Childish motion I did.
Heard form another friend that I am his number 1 enemy.

How sad!

2005-12-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

Just like staying at hm and curl up on the bed, reading angels and demons.
Fasinating, thrilling and increased my knowledge in many ways.

HOw good will it be to just lie down and don't care about the projects in hand?
Clock ticking.

Finally a day just for myself.
Had enough rest and time to play with my new toys (daffy and piggy).
A good form to destress which I learnt from yen yen.
When was the last time I played soft toys? yrs ago and I never did like them in the first place.

Life sucks for me?!
Whose life is gd?!
But all have to move on.
Making mistakes and falling is the process of learning. How painful.
How come they dun have a guideline for life as in wat is and wat is not to be done?!

lost. I dunno wat is ahead for/of me? I have no directions.
As if i am playing thief and dunno where the hell is the police.
Hidding for so long and dunno whether to venture out.
If venture out, I may be caught.
If not, I dunno whether the game has ended without telling me anot.

Damnation!

2005-12-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

A day off.

I need some cooler air.
The air around me is so stale that it is suffocating me.
Somehow, I prefer solitude.

Went to see Sensei that day, felt worst.
I always love the sun, the air and the nature.
How I used to live a life so sporty, so enriching.
Coz of money, I have to give up all my interest.

I was dying to join the dragon boat when I was in yr1 but coz of work, I gave it up.
A wish I always wish secretly, to backpack to nepal.
(if by 30 I am not married then, will go straight away.)
If not, I promised myself that in this life time I am going for sure.

He reminds me of my love for outdoor activities.
I missed the tan, the red cheek and the pespiration.

One day. Canoeing.

2005-12-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

Idolising people's life

My mum always say I am materialistic and not practical coz I always wants things that people have and things that we cannot afford to have.
Remember the days where I begged and throw tantrum for a cabbage kid.
I was dying for it and none of my friends have it, but my wish was harshly declined.
Baby G was in fashion then and every kid dream of having a cool baby G watch.
my mum promised mi if i score well, she will get me one.
I did and she did spend money on a watch for me but it was SPOON.

I always think I do not have the opportunities to indulge in life as much as people of the same age as mine.
My allowance are pathethic and till now it still is.
I don't have a fairy tale family where father is a high flyer, mum a beautiful tai tai, a home big enough for you to run 2.4km and high tech appliances that aids in pple's living.

I was living in a 3 room flat in holland v then. ( moved when i grow older)
Father is a cook and mother a part-time cleaner.
I am the eldest child followed by a sis and a bro.
Responsiblilty lay on my shoulder right after the birth of my sis.
Everything was shared between me and my sis.
I know she dreaded using my second hand stuff but is onli economical to do that.
In my family, our theory is if u want it, you get it in ur own means.
Thus, me at the tender age I stole.
Is never the thrill that I seek in stealing, is the want.

I want to be like others. I want to have what they have.
Maybe is something that deep down in me at that point of time, to be accepted.
I was poor and still am.

Lucky me, I got an uncle who loves me and gives me additional allowance.
Though is nothing much but it stops me from stealing and enjoy life like a youngster to watch movie, have fastfood and play.

Turned over a new leaf but wasn't given a chance by my mum.
Forever bringing it up and using it to bring me down.
Till now if she lost a Ez link or some worthless card, she will first ask me.
Normal acad and stealing had automatically demote me to the useless caterogies.

Trying to prove you are capable?!
Is harder than you can ever imagine.
cry every nights for your stupidity and your past mistakes.
Everytimes my mum ask me about the lost items, I felt like I got stabbed.
I studied like hell just to prove that I am not useless.

I got gd results but wat have i proved?! nothing.
Nothing is good enough for her.
I envy pple's family so closed and united.
Unlike mine.

Always hearing bird's and sze's parents always make me feel ashamed to mention mine.
My stealing past wasn't told to anyone.
All I can say is I was once rebellious.
My parents are not divorced technically but they don't sleep together anymore.
By the way, my mother is 57 and father 55 this yr.

I hate meet the parents' day.
I hate it when people ask me, "your grandmother ar?"
I did lie once and got so guilty after that.
So thereafter, I asked her not to come to skool.
But as I got older, I can't be bothered to explain anymore.
Thus, I always say that after 30 I am not married I am not going to get married.
My mother got married at 35 so you do your own calculation.

How can I bear to let my kid go through what I went through?!

My mother is illiterate and dad only have secondary education.
I hate indian form teachers.
In meet the parents' day, I was the interpreter and the content is my conduct.
How ironic!
I wasn't a bad student nor was I a very good one.
I have to tell my mum that teachers think I am talkative?!!

I dunno why I have the guts to do a confession of my wrong doings.
The urge is too strong to resist, the past, the wounds still raw.
Tears spilled down when an imaginery video of me and the events starts playing in my mind.
As if it was yesterday. So fresh.

I am waiting for my judgement day. Hope I felt better after this is posted up.

2005-12-06T08:18:00.000+08:00

Bird I wanna answer ur doubt.

No I don't have a bf.

haha

Tests and projects climbing up my neck.

HRM test this afternoon and 3 projects due next week and I haven't touched them!

Come hm den start chionging ar.

Waiting for this damn call for a 17days boarding!!! Imagine!

ArH! Busy. Still have to bath the 2 kings charles and my hades.

Love studying and talking to Sze in queensway, the place where out little fantasy reveals in sec skool.

The feeling is much the same.

Talks just keep rolling out of our mouth.

Then we noticed that we both changed, due to experiences.

Good and bad.

Recently, there is this case of sze and me having a misunderstanding.

She suddenly shouted I cannot stand you anymore ... blah blah blah.

I saw her staring at my direction and tot she was directing at mi.

Wat you cannot stand mi??! I have one of the most tame temper and I dun have attitude problems.

What the hell!

So pissed and felt betrayed.

I didn't want to talked about it and kept quiet for half that day till I sat beside her in a lect after a few hrs later.

I took a piece of paper and decided to confront her.

"I don't like arguement to stay overnight so what you have to say abt it?!", I wrote that.

Till den I found out that she was directing it to RAj the guy standing behind mi and not me!!!

If i never asked, I will never know.

That's the lesson learnt.

2005-12-01T16:13:00.000+08:00

Had fun on tuesday.

Went KTV with Fel and others.

Opened two bottles of Chivas and Martel each.

Sang alot and like crap.

Who cares?!

Simon surprisingly sang well. Real well.

One can never judge a person by its cover, I must say.

After so, we went rave to dance and continue drinking.

Was pouring but in the warm of the club, all of us are having fun.

I didn't care what others thought of my dancing and didn't bother is ugly or not.

Was surprise that pple actually walked up to me and said I danced well and asked me to join them.

Siao

To them dance well is u r daring enough to shake.

I really had fun, able to just be in my own world and indulged in the music.

MY MUSIC.

Is better than having estasy.

ME and von only left the club around 5am.

Others left early.

Was drizzling thus we decided to walk from boat quay to somerset.

Windy and silent.

So cool.

She told me her olden clubbing days and the places she used to hang out in.

Slippery floor.

I fall dragging von with me.

So funny.

We just sit there and started laughing at ourselve.

HOw stupid.

Was tired so found a place to sit and I lay there.

Have u lie down on the floor and enjoy it?!

I did.

My head was spinning but my heart was calm.

I like that feeling. As usual, me and von talked about things.

Continued walking towards towards town and decided to have cartel for breakfast.

So sat outside and again I slept.

How piggish.

For an hour! Sleeping in the public and cars and buses are already be seen.

Public showing of me sleeping!!!!

Had Mac instead. Cartel only weekend got breakfast!!!!!!

Damn von!

Got hm. NO scolding no anything.

NOt as if i expect any lar.

Coco and chanel there waiting for mi.

So sweet!

When I woke up, they ain;t there any more:<

I missed them.

Hades missed them, he just sit there and stone.Staring at the playpen where they once were in.

No more tom n jerry show.( them chasing the ball)

I didn't know boarding can cause emotionally detachment. bleah!

2005-11-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

The fate of S.E.X. is sealed.
Cursed to be exact.
Ai mei kills that special friends in our life.

Who i wish!? Those times we did the unbelievable, the unexpected and unglam stuffs.
Memorable and so priceless and yet we act like strangers now.

You yuan wu fen I guess.
I believed that things come and go.
They will go when shi cheng dao.

I have my happy share and hope he has his too.
Thanks.
Experiences are good but I guess I wun miss u.

I am anticipating the next special friend at my another phrase in my life.

I wish I wish... haha

2005-11-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

Harder to breath.
Chest tightened up by watever happened.
Directly or indirectly by the comments of pple.

I am losing.
Losing the touch for people.
Communicating with them.

Tolerance level, o!
Patience level, none!

Doesn't matter is intentional or unintententional.
Damage done. Pain inflicted.
Go away!

Whatever I did was commented on.
Whatever I didn't do was also commented on.
So why do it?!

I hate being the leader coz I hate to tame followers.
They have their mind of their own and resist authority.
I rather be the rebellious follower than the leader.

Random thinkings... leave mi alone.

2005-11-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

busy with boarding of dogs.
Cute arse!!!

One westie (chanel) and another scotish( coco).
Both females and both puppies!!!!

So cute!!!!

Look at how they sleep!!! haha so funny!!!
Weather cold so I let them wear hades' clothes since he dun like it.

My bro and sis brought the two puppies for a walk leaving hades at hm.... so mean!!!
haha he was barking like hell.
Now a lesson for him to learnt. HE is not the only one!!
Man and male dogs are the same. Take things for granted... haha

Eager to loss wt. Saw jasmine in skool in ep.
She is hell man... lossing wt.
Stress?! Crap lar... our ponteng queen... so fu yan mi!!!
Hai... run?! skip?! Cut down on food....?!
Watver lar... cure my constipation first den say.

Trying hard too poo...... boo!

2005-11-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

Back from KL.
Was missed.
I feel wanted.

Loved to be exact.
Being pampered.

Many bad experiences but was overall a good trip.

Teresa, funny arse who always tickle my laughing bones.
Yvonne, who always clear our shits.

Skool is boring and I still hate it.
Skipped skool to meet my girls and we took pics!
Mei tao hua:<
boo...
idiot bird!

Took pics... 200+++
We are siao girls.!!!!

2005-11-10T09:30:00.000+08:00

Skool had been okay...
Life had been so so...

Girls? All in diet mode.
Boys? All in the sappy mood.
Jw- funeral
Jeff- relationship

Dunno how to console so just shut up.

Heading to KL on friday thus rushing whatever needed to be done (HRM).
Buying paper undies later in town and my freaking tank top is lost.
A day alone, in my own solitude.

Ran yesterday and seen a doc too.
Asthma is doing well at least I can blow that tube well. 450!
Remember one month ago was only 200!

Alot to be done when I am back.
Projects, research and reading.

argh!

2005-11-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

You Are 30% Boyish and 70% Girlish

You Are 70% Extrovert, 30% Introvert

You are quite outgoing
You are a social connector - you know a ton of people
While you aren't a wild extrovert, you are a great talker
A fantastic storyteller, you keep everyone laughing

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

2005-11-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

A poem written by madonna
(This poem is from her tour documentary I'm Going To Tell You a Secret)

I have a cage
It's called the stage
When I'm let out I run about
And sing and dance and sweat and yell
I have so many tales to tell
I like to push things to the edge
And inch my way along the ledge
I feel like God, I feel like shit
The paradox, an even split
It's just a job, I always say I should be grateful everyday
Sometimes I think I just can't do it
But I persist and I get through it
And I console myself each night . . .
At least my cage is filled with lights

how sad...
Tragic... people do u still have dreams of becoming a super star?!

Joking.
IN this damn cursed mood.
Nothing is fun anymore type of feeling.
Looking forward to KL erm... not really too.
Contradicting for the rest of the weeks I guess.

2005-11-04T20:10:00.000+08:00

Raining = cannot swim.
Boarding = more money.

Skool days= sleepy days

Damn I hate skool as much as I hate being fat.
Argh!

Nothing much to whine about.
I wish I am not me.

when was the last time i heard try by nelly?!

"And i c u standing there wanting more from me, all i do is try."

Wounds raw and surfaced.

The songs that speak so loud to the hidden pain in me.

The stupid me, the one i loathe.

2005-11-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

Haha did the ITP interview.
Satisfied...

As for the piercing, not nipple lar!
There wear bra very ma fan!
Mine more reserved.

Not as pain as i tot. Bearable!

If u can c it properly, the two pink one were originally there.
so out of place right?! not here not there thus I decided to make a design out of it.
Big loop y not?!
Initially I took 2 more but found that I actually got enough space for 1 more.
The star studs are the new ones i took.

Some say y take so many... like so crowd!
But i like! I like to be in a crowd cannot ar?!

Halloween was ok.
Tok to vera.
As usual, learnt alot about the nun part.
Letting go of that nun in me soon, i hope.

Teresa was better at least she sang that day.
Zouk like that I will kill her.

2005-10-31T00:33:00.000+08:00

did piercings!
love it.

So me. Had been thinking of doing a design since i last saw a girl with a design of flower.
I got big loops and yet so bare thus in the spur of the moment, I got more than I need.

Was cool. Love the girl who pierced for me.
My style! the style i never dare portray but yet mi.
the guy is nice too... very like alan.

the good old days.
Sleeve tattoos, like mi disturb, funny and yet a dash of badness in him.

went plasma... ok lar should be fun but was where too tired to be crazy.
Sun burnt due to swimming... i think i am the onli idiot!
onli 2 hrs leh

2005-10-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

That's my new hp
white and flip.
I like.... the light and stuff...

Got it two days ago and i changed my number. ask mi for it.

Von won toto $30!!
So cool...

I believe in beginner's luck. So i got toto too!!!
Aunty very nice say good luck to mi when i bought it AND !
I buy quick pick $3.50, she gave mi $5 worth of toto.
Diao. Gd sign!!!

Let's c if i win...

Threading and got new hp.
Hair cutting?! should i or not?! I like the thickness, no more like feather.
Is pony tail!!! But damn cannot managed lar... dunnno how to comb to look like a ren!
fringe too long too. bleah!

stay at hm and relax till evening go mustafa!!! the indian's place.
coconuts!!!
C-o-c-o-n-u-t!!!